Dear Mr. Angelos,
I think the time has come for you to ponder taking the next step. No, I'm not talking about hiring a manager, or a general manager; I'm not even talking about selling the team. I'm talking about considering the possibility that it is time to die.
I mean, you've lived a long, fruitful life. You have been a successful attorney. You've owned a baseball team. You've traveled all over the world. Hell, you've even had a conversation with Fidel Castro. What is there to gain from hanging on any longer?
There are so many ways you could do it. You could hold a lit stick of dynamite in between your teeth. You could throw yourself in front of a moving bus, or a garbage truck. You could stab yourself in the gut with a sword, like a disgraced samurai warrior. You could rig up a homemade guillotine to cut your own head off. Or you could cut your head off with a chainsaw. You could leap off of the roof of the Warehouse, for instance, or drive your car off of a cliff. Or you could drink a whole bottle of Liquid Plumr. You could go to the zoo and leap into the lion den, and go pick a fight with the biggest one. Or take a boat out into the deep blue sea and feed yourself to the sharks. You could even cover yourself in gasoline and light yourself on fire, or boil yourself in oil.
But however you choose to do it, the time has come. So hurry up, before the free agent signing period begins. We'll all be better off.
Except for you, of course.
But ** you.
How would you want Peter Angelos to kill himself?
Throw himself in front of a bus/garbage truck (0 votes)
Stab himself samurai-style (1 vote)
Cut his head off with homemade guillotine/chainsaw (1 vote)
Leap off the roof of the warehouse/Drive off a cliff (0 votes)
Swallow a bottle of Liquid Plumr/Sleeping pills (1 vote)
Feed himself to lions/sharks (1 vote)
Light himself on fire/boil himself in oil (1 vote)
Other (please put in comments) (2 votes)
Suffocate himself with car emissions/slit his wrists and jump into the pool (0 votes)
Blow his head off with a shotgun/Desert Eagle/dynamite (0 votes)
7 total votes