(Only including players on "active" rosters. That way I don't have to put Rodrigo Lopez's stupid face on here.)
[Edit: TOTALLY forgot the Phillies. Um, sorry, Phillies.]
JAMIE MOYER, JOSE MESA & JAYSON WERTH
Moyer was with the Birds 1993-95, when he was ages 30-32. Considering Moyer was entering his 30s and had yet to accomplish anything in the major leagues (and he'd had chances in rotations with the Cubs, Rangers and Cardinals), I would suggest absolutely no one thought he would be in a playoff rotation in 2007.
Moyer was good in '93, going 12-9 with a 3.43 ERA in 25 starts, but he didn't really find a sustainable groove until he got to Seattle in 1997. He stayed there until last season, when he was traded to Philly for the stretch run. At 44, he pitched, um, admirably this year.
Jose Mesa admits an age of 41. This is highly dubious. Mesa made his major league debut at "21" in 1987, and he sucked. And then he came back up in 1990 and sucked then. And he was there in '91, and he sucked. Mesa got traded to Indians (he was sent to us by Toronto in the Mike Flanagan deal -- that's right, Jose was a young stud traded to us for one of our bonehead GM-types (actually, he was a PTBNL)) in 1992. Like Moyer, it took him a while to figure out pitching in the majors, but his path was found when they stopped trying to start him and he wound up closing. 321 saves later, he's still kicking around. Although with the way he pitches, he shouldn't be.
When Werth was coming up, people thought, "Is he too tall to be a catcher, I wonder?" The answer was yes. Werth has managed to make a career out of mashing lefties -- he had a .375/.467/.591 line against southpaws this year, and hits .284/.378/.486 for his career. That's an .863 OPS against lefties. Not that he's SO awful against righties, at .750, but it's pretty obvious what his role is.
The three former Orioles that play for the Phillies admit a combined age of 113 years old.
JORGE JULIO, LATROY HAWKINS & DENNY BAUTISTA
A deadly trio if ever I've seen one, Julio, Hawkins and Bautista weren't exactly beloved O's. Julio and Hawkins actually had pretty good 2007 seasons, Hawkins having been one of the more reliable (sadly) members of the dreadful '06 O's pen, and Julio last seen in orange and black in 2005, when he stunk up the joint something awful.
Bautista won't actually make the playoff roster, I presume. He still has raw stuff, still sucks. No matter how bad he has turned out to be -- and he's been pretty freakin' bad -- it still was an idiotic move to trade him for Jason Grimsley.
You may remember Eric Byrnes as our Monumental Deadline Pickup when the Orioles were still pretending to contend in 2005. He promptly shit the bed so bad that we had to burn the damn thing, hitting .192/.246/.299 in 167 at-bats, with spotty defense and a penchant for getting thrown the hell out somewhere between first and third base. I hated -- hated -- watching Eric Byrnes play.
I would like to go on. I never quite got this all out before, but Byrnes' overrated 2007 season has gotten my goat re: him all over again. A lot of people go on about how fun it is to watch Byrnes play, what a fun, super dude he is. Maybe I'd agree if he never played for my team -- in fact, I thought he was fun in Oakland. Turns out a lot of A's fans knew what we would find out, that Eric Byrnes is a hell of a lot more enjoyable when he's running into shit and not being able to actually catch a fly ball and getting picked off somewhere else. I'll never forget how much I hated Byrnes the Oriole. I couldn't stand the guy. Could not stand him. It's only gotten worse over time.
He had a good year, but...well. Arizona plays as a hell of a hitter's park, so that offensive line isn't all that staggering. In fact it's slightly above league average when adjusted for parks. He did swipe 50 bags, which I didn't know he had in him. Maybe he's settled down some. I don't know. I did read somewhere that he tends to go commando, as if I gave a damn.
That's another thing that bothers me about Byrnes: Guys that act all wacky, all the time, are putting on a show to get attention, and I find that annoying. "Hey, I'm Eric Byrnes! I'm a fun-loving guy who loves to have fun! My favorite sport is baseball followed by dirt biking, probably!! I'm just like that hyper 14-year old kid that rides his skateboard around your apartment complex's parking lot! I'm rad to the max and I love ironic t-shirts!" It's idiots like Eric Byrnes that keep movies like Mr. Woodcock coming out. Get it?? WOODCOCK??
Eric Byrnes. God.
Let's be honest, Schilling is about as much of a former Oriole as the Indians entry here is. It's just that Schilling went on to have a Hall of Fame-caliber career and Glenn Davis went on to visit the Hall of Fame with his family.
Schilling has actually been involved in a whole butt ton of awful trades. The Red Sox gave us Schilling and Brady Anderson for a Mike Boddicker rental, we won that deal. We sent Schilling to the Astros with Pete Harnisch and Steve Finley for Glenn Davis, and we get how that turned out. Glenn Davis is probably a good man, but if there's an Orioles Hell, he'll go there. Then, like Denny Bautista, he was traded by Houston, straight up, for Jason Grimsley to the Phillies. That was probably the worst deal he was ever involved in, since it was then that he became a really good player.
I know lots of you aren't Schilling fans, but he's honestly one of the nicest guys in the league when it comes to dealing with fans. And even though he's fat and 40 years old, he can still pitch when he's healthy.
CHRIS BRITTON & MIKE MUSSINA
Speaking of fat, lookit Chris Britton. Still fat. Big ol' fat guy. He sweats ham. But he's not a malcontent, so that's nice, and he pitched well in 2006, and that was nice. Then we traded him for Jaret Wright. Great move, Orioles. We had room on our DL, why not?
Mike Mussina ought maybe to forget about that final year of his current deal and call it a career.
If I had a Hall of Fame vote, I would vote Mussina in. The only thing he never did much of was lead the league in anything. He never won 20 games, never won a World Series (yet), never won a Cy Young, didn't consistently make the All-Star game for most of his career (he made five, 1992-94, 1997, 1999). But Moose pitched well, pretty much every year, for a long time, and he stands with a career 250-144 record. 22nd all-time in strikeouts (2,663), 12th all-time in K-to-BB. He was a hell of a pitcher.
Still hope he doesn't win anything, ever.
DAVID DELLUCCI & CHRIS GOMEZ
Looch played 17 games for the Orioles in 1997, when he was 23. I've liked him ever since. I demanded he appear, repeatedly, in the 2001 Series. It looks like he's done, but he managed to scrape out a couple of nice seasons along the way. An eternal bench player who got to start one time in his life and hit 29 homers.
I forgot about Gomez at first. He was on the team a couple months ago, so there's not a lot to say about him. Good dude, glad he made his way to a good team in these, his golden years.
GARY MATTHEWS, JR.
Here's why nobody ever gave David Dellucci $50 million.