Melvin Mora is Roger Dorn

by SC on Apr 1, 2008 2:31 AM EDT

What do you want Melvin to do? Dive for it?

"I've never heard of half these guys. And the ones I do know are way past their prime."

"Most of these guys never had a prime."

Adam Jones is Pedro Cerrano. Straightball, he hit it very much. Curveball...bats are afraid.

Daniel Cabrera is Rick Vaughn. ...duh. Wild Thing! You make my heart sing! You walk everything!

Steve Trachsel is Eddie Harris. He hasn't got an arm like you, kid.

Kevin Millar is Jake Taylor. Bad back, bad knees. Inspirational leader. Here's to one more good year in the sun.

Peter Angelos is Rachel Phelps. Continually in the way of his team performing well.

"Ya know, Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer."

Dave Trembley is Lou Brown. Trembley spent 20 years managing in the minor leagues; Lou Brown spent 30 years managing at Toledo and also sold tires on the side. There's two or three potential All-Stars on this team, Charlie.

Andy MacPhail is Charlie Donovan. Despite the utter hopelessness of being the GM (or GM-type guy) of his team, he is enthusiastic and dearly wants to win.

Luis Hernandez is You Know, The Shortstop -- They Did Have One. He never does anything that helps, it seems.

"Vaughn's been looking good out there today!"

"Don't worry, he'll blow it."

Gary Thorne and Jim Palmer are, unfortunately, not Harry Doyle and Monty the Colorman. Palmer never shuts up and Thorne has no sense of humor.

Brian Roberts and Nick Markakis aren't anybody. They're way too good. And we have no Willie Mays Hayes.

There is something about this team that I really fundamentally like. I don't know why. Like I've said before, I'm excited to watch these guys. At the very least, it's something at least a little bit different.

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corey patterson

would have made a mean willy mays hayes. swinging for the fences when he shouldnt be and fast as hell

by daveh873 on Apr 1, 2008 8:45 AM EDT 0 recs

This might be

the most inspired FP piece you've assembled. Especially MelMo = Roger Dorn. I can totally see Melvin saying "What, you want me to dive for it?" Absolutely can I see that happening.

"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge

by duck on Apr 1, 2008 8:49 AM EDT 0 recs

One thing, though...

...wasn't Roger Dorn the shortstop?

by Chanumas on Apr 1, 2008 9:19 AM EDT 0 recs

that's my recollection.

isn't there also a case to be made for luis luis as a sort of willie mays hayes analog?

by j.q. higgins on Apr 1, 2008 9:30 AM EDT up 0 recs

Dorn was the third baseman

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 1, 2008 9:39 AM EDT up 0 recs

It's reverse psychology of some sort

In the past, we heard the GM-type talk about getting the team to a level where they can compete all the time knowing the opposite was true. And not only were they not gong to compete this year, the contracts were usually multi-year deals that ensured the O's would not compete next year. Then the cycle would repeat.

Now it's all out in the open. MacPhail laid it out and basically said the entire organization stinks. So now they are expected to lose and we laugh. It was like the football team at my college. They at one point had a ridiculous losing streak, and everyone pretty much pulled for the weekly loss. Few people went to the games, but we all knew when they racked up another L.

I think we're partying like it's 1954, with the expectation things will get better. My lingering fear (because, in the end, I never ever trust Angelos to do the right thing) is the O's become a revenue sharing welfare recipient. Free money and a guaranteed profit if you turn away the fan base has to be tempting.

by drj on Apr 1, 2008 9:33 AM EDT 0 recs

thorne...

i actually think thorne is pretty funny. he's definitely not wacky, but he has a sort of dry sense of humor. seriously...it may not stand out, but compare him to someone like hunter or reghi and it really comes to the fore.

by j.q. higgins on Apr 1, 2008 9:37 AM EDT 0 recs

Thorne

I think he USED to be that guy. He was a brilliant hockey commentator and a great baseball commentator, but that was a decade ago. He's not aging well.

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 1, 2008 9:40 AM EDT up 0 recs

used to be dry funny...

or used to be wacky?

i dunno. i still think he's got a pretty good grasp of what's going on and has a great, commanding voice.

by j.q. higgins on Apr 1, 2008 9:52 AM EDT up 0 recs

dry funny

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 1, 2008 9:54 AM EDT up 0 recs

/slow clap.

When you're right, you're right.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."

by 2632 on Apr 1, 2008 11:14 AM EDT 0 recs