“Audrey” is supposed to be insulting because that is predominantly a girl’s name, and Aubrey is one of those half-and-halfs like “Leslie.” I’m not trying to dis women, because I saw Anita Marks throw a ball in a commercial and a gentleman in an empty stadium nearly had an orgasm over it. Anita is probably a better third baseman than Huff anyway. Or would that be third basewoman? Third baseperson?

Definitely a third baseman.

But “Sweet ‘n’ Loewen” has been floating around for Loewen. Like I said, it’s crap, but it’s out there.

loewenbrau (or perhaps loewen outside?), trashhill, and my own personal favorite, beirdface (scrubs reference. sorry, i think its a funny show.) and i guess it isnt a nickname, but moore moore moore! is pretty cool.

I still like “Elvis,” because Scotty Moore was Elvis’ guitarist forever, it seemed.

Turnip Truck, after Palmer said one day a couple years ago that “he looks like a kid who just fell off the turnip truck and landed in Camden Yards”. I also picture a hoe-down banjo playing in my head whenever I see him at the plate.

You gotta say it really affected-like, like in “Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion”, when Mira Sorvino is fake doing that guy in return for the Jaguar.

I mean, what? My girlfriend in college was watching it, and she made me watch it…uh…

As for Adam Jones, I prefer to sing his name, a la Adam West on “Family Guy”. You know:

Adam Jones
Adam Jones
ADAM JONES
(and now a little softer)
Adam Jones
adam jones
...adam jones…

It can go on for a while.

I personally prefer “St. Jimmy” for Guthrie, after the character in Green Day’s “American Idiot” concept album.

jim johnson-”dyn-o-mite”; jimmy walker’s character on good times that owned this catch phrase was named “j.j.” eh?

loewen-someone above said “loewen outside”, you could go w/ “loewen away,” too, i reckon.

brandon fahey-”the lawnmower man”; actor who played the title role in the ridiculous hollywood adaptation of the stephen king story was jeff fahey. i suppose there’s also a joke in there about fahey’s prowess at bat.

scott moore-”a man for all seasons”; okay, that’s totally a stretch

How could you forget “Trashman”?... afterall, he IS a crafty veteran who throws nothing but trash at the plate

and Horseshit Huff

in case there are references in the future to past “stars” such as Mr. B-12, and Horseface Killah- Miguel (Miggy) Tejada and Jay Gibbons, respectively.

for Luke Scott. You know, in that Christopher Lloyd as Doc Brown in Back to the Future kinda way.

And I’m going to use them whether it’s CC-endorsed or not.

Cause I’m a rebel like that.

but I draw the line at calling his goofs Unnatural Acts. Also, this is a(nother) good opportunity to mourn the departure of Sidney Ponson, who was a large walking (OK, lurching) bag o’ nicknames that we all miss: El Sid, Sir Sidney, Beached Whale, Punch Drunk Lust, Driving While Sidney—the guy never stopped.

Oh yeah: nominations are open for nicknames for the owner. Please submit one non-obscene one with every regular entry.

Finally, quiz time: what baseball novel featured a player so desperate for his teammates to give him a nickname that they eventually started calling him Nickname?

for Sherrill, because of his resemblence to a park ranger with that flat hat.

of calling Razor Ramon the bad guy because, hey, it’s always great to reference “The New Challengers” era of the WWF as much as possible.

I like:

Cabrera: DCab for Cutie
Fahey: the anorexic left fielder
Loewen: that other Canadian lefty
Guts: the stormin mormon (or something like this)

FWIW, I hate the First intial-first 3 letters of last name bizness. It’s so not creative. Looking at the nicknames from the olden days, they seem a lot funnier…

Chadwick T. Bradford

should have the first song off of Mike Jone’s first album played when he comes up to bat. Just the first line is golden…
“The Wait is Over!!!!”

Quiroz would just as soon be called ‘Q’ since folks usually mispronounce his name. Kind of James-Bondish—‘Q’.
But you could put a spin on that and try ‘Q-Ball.’

Here’s two that have popped up:

Griiled Cheese for pitching coach Kranitz.

Lil’ Brother for Fahey. OK, it’s mine, but doesn’t he look like a little brother that borrowed his big brother’s high school jersey for his Little LEague game? Seriosuly, can’t he just get a Youth XL and have one that fits?

= Slamdoor Beird? Or would he have to be a closer for that?