Roch's (Least) Greatest Hits
by duck on Apr 3, 2008 1:30 PM EDT
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PrintFor the record, Rock Kubatko does some good reporting for The (Balitmore) Sun. For someone who creates as much material as he does during baseball season, information tends to come in drips rather than revelations. So, while I may bemon the posts that do little more than go over the batting order, he does his job.
But wow, are his jokes bad. I'd like to start this diary FanPost as a collection of Roch's worst puns or jokes.
Just put the date (link if you want), and the offending prose. I'll start.
“That was the sweetest home run I ever hit,” (Huff) said of his two-run shot in the sixth. “I ain’t going to lie to you. I hit that ball and I [said], ‘Just please just get out.’”My ex-wife said the exact same thing. But I digress…
Ugh. Add to it. I'm sure it won't take long for Roch to generate more material...
FanPosts are user-created content and do not necessarily reflect the views of the editors of Camden Chat or SB Nation. They might, though.
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I only recently started checking his blog..
If he talks about what a bad-ass he is, and how he's ready to knock the teeth out of someone who bothers him one more time, I can easily stop reading him... talk about a hypervigilant, obnoxious guy.
A lot of that
struck me as self-deprecating humor - I don't think he meant that to be taken seriously, but a joke about how non-physical he is. He usually busts on himself much more than players or the team...
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
how about this gem, just posted minutes ago...
How low was last night’s attendance? When closer George Sherrill got within one out of his first save as an Oriole, the crowd rose to its foot.
I came to Camden Yards to watch the O's and all I got was this lousy "Fenway South" t-shirt.
by Dave at Bottomfeeder Baseball on Apr 3, 2008 2:45 PM EDT reply actions
Remember
if we want this to be our beach ball, y'all gotta hit that Rec button.
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
It took me awhile to find it. But all is well now.
I haven't been reading Roch much lately...but this gives me a reason to pour over his every word again.
pimping your own diary is like school in the summer time.....
....no class.
(Hear that in Russel's voice from Fat Albert.)
Just joshin' you, duck.
by zknower on Apr 5, 2008 9:31 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I'm just tryin to get a beach ball going
Couldn't care less if it's mine.
And +1 on the Fat Albert reference. Damn that show was so bad it was good.
/Electric Company FTW!
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
I hate all this shit
where diaries or posts that should be unadulterated bashfests start off by hedging, by couching it in saying something nice before the jabs come. SC always does this, when he's talking about Jim Palmer, or Amber, or Whoever else and at first you get "Well listen I'm sure (s)he's a good [person, TV Reporter, etc]. I really am. But this is why they suck." This is the Internet - LET'S FUCKING GET TO IT!
ROCH SUCKS! Not:
For the record, Rock Kubatko does some good reporting for The (Balitmore) Sun.
I take some good poos every once in a while, but the bowl is still filled with crap when I get up to flush. Same goes for Roch. He's a waste of space on a Baltimore Sun website that is struggling to remain relevant in a changing world. There are fifteen people on this blog alone that could do a better job than Roch - and this is not to blow smoke up our own asses, it's to illustrate how shitty this clown is at what he does pretends to do.
Phew. Rant over. Sorry for all the poo references.
Jim Palmer's a good human being
But he's a smug asshole a lot of the time.
I'd rather it NOT be "the internet." Frankly I fucking hate the internet.
this is my point
is he a smug asshole or is he a good human being? or is this a Jungian journey into the nuance and complexity that makes up humanity? the same complexity that makes a webmaster who spends countless hours on an Orioles website "fucking hate the internet"?
you can be both
Fuck the internet. You know exactly what I mean.
FIRST
lolcat
She could be hotter. I would not hit it.
(Celebrity) is stupider than me! AWFUL.
All things popular suck!
I don't like Nickelback! Admire my brilliance!
RANT ABOUT THINGS!!!!!
Anything to do with The Simpsons.
Borat is funny.
C'mon
you like Nickelback - admit it...and enjoy. (Been there - Done that!)
But aside from that, this is life you're criticizing here - humanity in all its brilliance and frailty. Personally, I love it....humanity and the Internets.
well, I hate it
Nickelback has some catchy ass songs. What I'm gonna do? LIE ABOUT IT?
Of course, being too cool and rational for the internet is its own internet cliche, too. What I'm gonna do? LIE ABOUT IT?
Dude, NICKELBACK????
What the hell am I saying, "Animal" is a damn catchy tune.
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
Never gonna give you up...
:)
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
Tell us how you really feel...
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
This is like shooting fish in a barrel
Click on the archives for ANY month, scroll down, and you're liable to run into something stupid right quick.
You can file the folllowing under, "clearly doesn't have an editor, has nothing to contribute today, and decides to share every thought in his head with us anyway".
I hope this isn't a sign that I'm going to have a rough night:I bought a spray bottle of Shout stain remover for the laundry, stood over a sink with a pair of shorts that had grease on them, and attempted to open the nozzle.
Simple enough, right?
The nozzle was set to "off." I twisted it once, and it read "no." So I tried again, and saw "off." One more twist, and it said, "no."
I was perplexed.
Or maybe it said "on" and I was looking at it upside down.
Yeah, that's it.
I've never been more proud to be me.
Now that Byrd Stadium is being renamed for Chevy Chase Bank, I'll marvel again at how long we've been able to keep Oriole Park at Camden Yards.
I'm not ready for Chunky Soup Stadium or Ted's Pawn Shop Park.
I know it's great for the cash flow, but I'm so tired of corporate sponsorship. I can't tune into a college football bowl game because I'm not sure what I'm actually watching. None of them sound right to me.
Was the Home Depot Bowl formally the Gator Bowl? Or was that the Peach Bowl?
I hate sounding like your grandfather, but I miss the old days.
I'd go on some more, but I have to shower and head to the ballpark - after I run to the store and buy a stain stick.
I feel dumber just reading that
NO????
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
gems from today
Miguel Tejada hit a walk-off home run for the Astros last night. He would have enjoyed the moment more if two FBI agents weren’t waiting at the plate to congratulate him.
HA HA HA.
Julio Manon gave up three runs in the 10th to take the loss. I hope he hasn't hurt his chances of being included on the Orioles' playoff roster.
The Orioles are bad!
Latest entry
Reyes spit blood at bar patrons. What happened last night at Tropicana Field wasn’t any prettier.
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major League
Reigning Cy Young winner C.C. Sabathia is still looking for his first victory. And his first salad.
Maybe a Chicago White Sox fan jinxed him by burying a pint of cottage cheese under the home clubhouse at Jacobs Field.
oh, roch, you card!
damn block quote bug!
all lower caps is mine, the rest is pure roch.
by j.q. higgins on Apr 14, 2008 9:56 AM EDT up reply actions
not so much funny, but...
Jones will be fine. He has all the necessary tools and the proper attitude. He's a hard worker who takes instruction well.
I'm glad Roch has deemed Adam Jones' attitude "proper" for stardom. Adam Jones could punch Brandon Fahey in the nose for all I care if he wants to hit.
I'm guessing....
the attitude in questions is he actually accepts coaching. Now, given that The Crow is still out hitting coach, I don't know how beneficial that will prove to be.
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major League
eh
So did Albert Belle, who was a tireless worker, but was never once given that "proper attitude" tag about anything. Adam Jones smiles and says nice things. If a guy like Belle was struggling with curved balls and basically every other pitch, nobody would be so forgiving. I just think it's a poor use of character judging.
by Scott Christ on Apr 14, 2008 3:34 PM EDT up reply actions
You're probably right.
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major League
April 15, 2008
Just a friendly reminder that tax returns are due today. And if you’re anything like me, that means thinking, "Where am I supposed to come up with that kind of money?" Good times…good times.
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major League
Huh, my sig didn't save...
where I quoted him saying those exact words….at age 7.
"I win! I think I'm better at chess than you, Dad." - My 7 year old, after he beat me at chess for the first (and not last) time.
4/16
Jose Contreras starts tonight for the White Sox. Let’s try to guess his real age.Contreras should have wore No. 42 last night, since I’m pretty sure he once faced Jackie Robinson in the minors.
"I win! I think I'm better at chess than you, Dad." - My 7 year old, after he beat me for the first (and not last) time.
roch...
is a lot funnier when you imply a catskills outro at the end of his zingers (i.e. “thanks, i’ll be here all night” or “take my wife…please!” or “hey, you guys are great…don’t forget to tip those waiters and bartenders.”)
"Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones."
by j.q. higgins on Apr 16, 2008 1:52 PM EDT up reply actions
Another great quip from Roch
As long as Miguel Tejada is coming clean about his age, I figure that I should do the same.I’m actually 5 years younger. I was just a kid from an upper middleclass family and I did what I thought was right.
O the Woes of Roch
I’m not implying that I never get any respect, but has anyone else noticed that every other person at The Sun who writes a blog – and the total now matches the population of Boise, Idaho – has their autobiography posted below their photo? There’s information in there dating back to elementary school. Or their journey through the birth canal. Yet, all mine says is, "Roch Kubatko covers sports for The Baltimore Sun.”Pretty revealing stuff.
And to think I was hoping to maintain my privacy!
Maybe I need to update more than just the photo.
I haven’t gone in the office since one of the news reporters asked me to sit with him and then brandished a copy of my birth certificate.
http://oriolecentral.wordpress.com
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