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Help the Orioles Improve Attendance

Brian_simpson_with_realistic_pooka_tiny by BrianS on

Capt

via assets.sbnation.com

 

Wow, I guess every fan got his/her own section last night.  Because I feel so bad for Mr. Angelos, and even more so because I'm bored (sorry), I decided to try to help the Orioles by coming up with some dumb great ideas for promotions.

 

1.  All You Can Drink Right Field Nightclub -- All You Can Eat Left Field Club is sweet, but this section would be sold out every night.

2. Sell the team to Cal Ripken

3. Make Cal the starting SS -- Cal looks like he's put on a little weight, and somehow gotten even balder than his playing days, but I bet he could still outhit Luis.

4. Dugout seating -- Fenway's Monster seats were a hit, so why not take that concept a step farther and let fans sit even closer to the action.  With these seats, you might end up as the starting pitcher, though.

5. Chad Bradford Night -- half price admission for any mustachioed O's fans.

6. More games against the Yankees and Red Sox -- If you're Peter Angelos, you don't care whose money you're takin'.

7. I don't know, maybe actually have a good season once in awhile.

8. Build a new stadium -- Worked for the Phillies and Nats.

Come on, I know the rest of you need some pointless activity to fill the long 3.5 hours between now and gametime.  Help Petey out!

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9. Run a WWE-style angle where someone keeps tampering with the blood tests of players and we're losing guys to 15-game suspensions. Reval the culprit as...Rafael Palmeiro! Bad guys draw crowds.

10. Half-price admission to anyone who has convinced their child (age 6-12) to not be a Red Sox fan.

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 3, 2008 3:39 PM EDT   0 recs

Oh no! That's Rafael Palmiero's music!

(Runs onto the field and pretends to hit B-Rob with a chair. Fake violence and hilarity ensue.)

by BrianS on Apr 3, 2008 4:13 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

11. Selected players play pantsless.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."

by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 3:42 PM EDT   0 recs

Be careful what you wish for, Greta,,,,

Otherwise, you'd be looking at a pantsless George Sherril, Steve Trachsel, and Kevin Millar.

by Chanumas on Apr 3, 2008 3:45 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Selected by me and 2632, duh

Because as much as I love Kevin Millar, he ALWAYS needs to be wearing pants.

Formerly known as Javylicious.

by Stacey on Apr 3, 2008 3:51 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Pants are not optional for Kevbo. They are mandatory.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."

by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 4:00 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Great idea.

The Orioles should have broken alternate dark green uniforms this year.

by BrianS on Apr 4, 2008 8:44 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Like in A League of Their Own

Catch a foul ball, get a kiss!

Formerly known as Javylicious.

by Stacey on Apr 3, 2008 3:53 PM EDT   0 recs

Again, the characters involved in said promotion are key.

To be clear, Angelos would not be doing the kissing.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."

by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 4:01 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

You kiss whoever hits it

They'll scatter like roaches when an Aubrey Huff sends one into the stands! Cat fights galore over a Markakis ball! Hijinx will definitely ensue.

Formerly known as Javylicious.

by Stacey on Apr 3, 2008 4:05 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Hijinks! Madcap antics! ESPN will love it.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."

by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 4:07 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

14. Homeless Day

July 15th Baltimore's Homeless Come Free!

Bringing light to a societal ill rampant in Baltimore, filling seats for the cameras and helping the needy. What's not to love?

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."

by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 4:06 PM EDT   0 recs

Let's take this a step further.

Let them sit in "All you can eat left field club"

by BrianS on Apr 3, 2008 4:08 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

pretty sure...

there's a wire tie in there somewhere.

by j.q. higgins on Apr 3, 2008 5:10 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I think low attendance is a great idea.

No one should go to the park until PA sells the team.

"If you're not practicing, somebody else is, somewhere, and he'll be ready to take your job." -Brooks Robinson

by exitfare on Apr 3, 2008 4:20 PM EDT   0 recs

Let the crowd manage

It's been done, by Bill Veeck of course. Give all those that attend an electronic vote in place of the old fashioned cards. Flash questions on the scoreboard at critical times. Give Trax the hook? Bunt in the second inning after a leadoff single? Louieee or Fahey at SS?

by drj on Apr 3, 2008 4:38 PM EDT   0 recs

Number 15

15. Dunk your least favorite Oriole night. Set up a booth with a chair above a tub of water, set up a target, pick your least favorite Oriole, and grab some baseballs. If you hit the target, your least favorite Oriole gets a little bath. I'm sure if Angelos sat in the booth, ticket sales would soar. Player wise, I think I would have to pick Mora.

Wolf, wolf, wolf.

by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 4:53 PM EDT   0 recs

Alternately....

....you could set up water/green slime dispensers to hit them at unexpected times, a la "You Can't Do That On Television"

I can't be the only person in the world that remembered that show existed, right? Right?

by Chanumas on Apr 3, 2008 5:33 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Alanis Morrisette was on it.

Harder question next time. :)

"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge

by duck on Apr 3, 2008 5:39 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

"You Can't Do That On Television"

I totally loved that show when I was a kid.

Wolf, wolf, wolf.

by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 6:45 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I remember it, but I was not allowed to watch it.

Too low brow. My parents are very high brow people.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."

by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 8:14 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Number 16

Win a date with Amber night. Good evening ladies, oowww.

Wolf, wolf, wolf.

by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 4:55 PM EDT   0 recs

Lemme tell ya what Melba Toast is packin' right here, alright? We got 4:11 Positrac outback, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bored over 30, 11 to 1 pop-up pistons, turbo-jet 390 horsepower. We're talkin' some fuckin'. muscle.

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 3, 2008 5:08 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

favorite wooderson quote though is

"Yeah, well, listen. You ought to ditch the two geeks you're in the car with now and get in with us. But that's all right, we'll worry about that later. I will see you there. All right?"

Wolf, wolf, wolf.

by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 5:17 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Thats what I like about these high school girls...

... I get older, they stay the same age.

"Baltimore? That's like being hit in the head with a crowbar once a day."

by spike2131 on Apr 4, 2008 4:31 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I've decided

that Amber's everydayness is what makes her attractive. Is she a super model? No. But I'm sure as hell not dating any supermodels. Amber though is the girl next door... a Winnie Cooper if you will. And I much rather take out a Winnie than say a Madeline to use a Wonder Years metaphor.

Wolf, wolf, wolf.

by birdman on Apr 4, 2008 3:04 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

But...

...girl next door types are supposed to be smart.

by punkrawka on Apr 4, 2008 7:16 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

+1 to punkrawka

Someone pull out the butter, cuz the burn is on.

What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.

by Ghost of Floyd Rayford on Apr 4, 2008 8:06 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

yeah, because those playmates are rocket scientists

although. to be fair, I don't consider them "the girl next door" types anyways.

Wolf, wolf, wolf.

by birdman on Apr 4, 2008 12:57 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Madeline was not for me

You know who was a good Kevin Arnold love interest? Cara.

I also generally hated Winnie Cooper.

And Craig Hobson was such a penis.

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 4, 2008 9:30 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Craig Hobson

He was such a huge miscast, sort of like E from Entourage. He's suppose to be the aloof, cool kid, but the actor who played him is TERRIBLE. I'm on season 4 right now so I haven't made it to Cara yet. I've seen pictures of recent Madeline and that girl looks EXACTLY the same. It's almost freaky. I mean when I was 14, I had a bad Asian bowl haircut and zits. I would like to think I look a lot different today, and I think that's true for a lot of people.

Wolf, wolf, wolf.

by birdman on Apr 4, 2008 12:46 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

those AND

The one where Winnie is dissing Kevin all episode and then -- ah, I don't wanna spoil it for you if you haven't seen it. But oh snap I almost wept.

What a show.

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 4, 2008 1:04 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

The Wonder Years are unwatchable

not in a bad way, though. In a King of Comedy/Curb Your Enthusiasm kind of way. And who here doesn't love Daniel Stern?

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words—"mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
-Jack Handey

by jobe on Apr 8, 2008 2:09 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Go where?

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words—"mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
-Jack Handey

by jobe on Apr 8, 2008 12:55 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

One thing about Winnie, though...

...Danica McKellar graduated summa cum laude as a math major, and coauthored a paper on orthogonality. Gotta give props for that.

by Chanumas on Apr 8, 2008 5:16 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

And wrote the classic

Math Doesn't Suck - A guide for Middel School Girls.

Totally bought that for, uh, my daughter, yeah, that's it.

Dudes, she's still SMOKIN' HOT.

"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major League

by duck on Apr 8, 2008 5:23 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I love me some Danica

I saw her on West Wing and I couldn't find fault in anything she does.

Wolf, wolf, wolf.

by birdman on Apr 8, 2008 6:20 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

She was good on the short-lived Fred Savage sitcom "Working."

Which I maintain was pretty good!

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 8, 2008 6:46 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

That was a great show!

Sort of a cross between Scrubs and the Office

by Chanumas on Apr 8, 2008 7:08 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I think we've found our beach ball

"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge

by duck on Apr 3, 2008 5:42 PM EDT   0 recs

You could always use your fancy new scoreboard...

...that apparently shoots fireworks to launch Jay Gibbons out of a cannon. Pretty sure he's not busy.

"Yeah, I mean - Cal was much more important to me growing up than Jesus. And frankly, set just as good an example. Loyalty, discipline, hard work, humility, generosity, charity, AND 3,184 career hits. Is JESUS in the 3,000 hit club? I don't think so." - 2632

by Kristen on Apr 3, 2008 6:06 PM EDT   0 recs

people would pay good money to see that shit.

"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."

by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 8:16 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I would pay good money

to be the person who sets off the cannon

Formerly known as Javylicious.

by Stacey on Apr 3, 2008 9:39 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Sit Angelos in the cheap seats

A different section each night. Make him actually watch the team that's out there and take general abuse from the disgruntled commoners he so disdains.

At least you'd sell a section a night.

by drj on Apr 3, 2008 8:46 PM EDT   0 recs

Free Vacant Rowhome Night

Baltimore Vacants given away free of charge to the first 45,00 fans. Don't worry. There'll still be plenty left to go around - even if it's a sellout.

by Jonny Pops on Apr 3, 2008 10:46 PM EDT   0 recs

WALK FOR BEER night

A coupon for a free beer at a future game will be given for each BB given up by O's pitching.

This would lead to sellout crowds on Danny Cabs nights, and would increase future attendance at the same time. Heck, they could run the promo once a week and watch the fans get drunker and drunker throughout the season.

by zknower on Apr 3, 2008 11:43 PM EDT   0 recs

I love this idea.

However, I think this would actually cause a worldwide beer shortage that would precipitously raise the price of beer for all non-Walk for Beer Night consumers.

Camden Yards would no-doubt be burned down by angry protesters.

by BrianS on Apr 4, 2008 8:48 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Good God

They'd need to put the American and National Bohemian breweries back into operation to keep up with this.

by Jonny Pops on Apr 4, 2008 10:11 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Keep up the winning, Orioles

If you build it, they will come.

by BrianS on Apr 6, 2008 8:32 PM EDT   0 recs

We're internet celebrities!!!

Now we just need some more internet money.

Why the Hell Not?

by BrianS on Apr 9, 2008 8:18 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

All Canadian CC member can...

GO ON STRIKE! Get some of that internet money!

"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major League

by duck on Apr 9, 2008 12:58 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Now listen, buddy!

"Sneezing Panda" & "Leave Brittney Alone Guy" are worth millions!

That's Euros, pounds or Canadian dollars. US dollars? Billions!

You can't fix stupid. Stupid is forever.

by sluggo 2.0 on Apr 9, 2008 2:57 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I remember 10 cent beer night in Cleveland-- now THAT was a promo!

OK, not a very *smart* promo, but boy did it get everybody's attention. And no, I wasn't there. I skipped Woodstock, too. Same difference. Anyway, judging by the pictures, SC woulda loved 10 cent brewski night on the lake: it was a lot of angry, badly dressed, overweight, middle-aged white guys running around a sports facility swearing, punching people and throwing seats and stuff-- yup, it was 10,000 Bobby Knights!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Cent_Beer_Night

More seriously, how about

16. Fred Manfra Public Lobotomy Night. (Follow-up game: Can YOU tell the difference?)

17. Wedgie Petey in Effigy Night. For the college crowd: several teams from local schools, life-size Petey mannequins, you get the idea.

18. Democratize Iran By Airmail Night. For when Sen. McCain is in attendance. Will require local Air National Guard, or Pussy Galore, if the team is still available.

19. Storm the Warehouse Night. See dayzd's picture: torches, pitchforks, chains, like that. We'll let Mac out, but Petey burns.

20. Drunken Russians night. Kind of like every hockey game here in the Soviet era, when guys could tell their wives "I'm going to the hockey game," which sounded SO much better than "I'm going out to get completely sh*tfaced with Fedya and those guys again." 'Course, tickets cost actual *money* now, so people pretty much skip the hockey game part. Anyway, the idea at the Yard would be 10-cent Stoly shots... so you'd get Cleveland, only much faster.

Rah Rah Rasputin / Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that / Really loved Birds. -- Boney M

by Titov on Apr 9, 2008 1:46 PM EDT   0 recs

10 cent beer night in Cleveland

I have never heard a more dangerous idea in my life. I've been to Cleveland. Jesus Christ.

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 9, 2008 1:59 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Ah, Stroh's

Beer of a bygone era.

by zknower on Apr 9, 2008 4:27 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

it's Shorts backwards

I had one particular Stroh's night I'd rather not remember.

Camden Chat
Bad Left Hook

by SC on Apr 9, 2008 5:00 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Ah, beer nostalgia... Hey, that's it: Beer Nostalgia Night!

I'll bring a six of Utica Club for me and my date and maybe a case of Iron City longnecks for passing around the CC section (and later fighting, of course). Oh wait, apparently Iron City's still around. Sort of. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_City_Brewing_Company

Jeez, so's Utica Club, also very sort of. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utica_Club

Well, we can be nostalgic for the locally-brewed original version of Natty Boh, of course (as 2632 no doubt is). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Bohemian

All these would be *chasers*, of course, to the *real* point of the evening: 10 cent Stolies (Absolut is out, btw, for trying to steal back the half of Mexico we stole fair and square-- the part with the paved roads. Lotta nerve, frickin' Swedes.).

Rah Rah Rasputin / Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that / Really loved Birds. -- Boney M

by Titov on Apr 10, 2008 12:49 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Z: Did you get an O' Bama t-shirt? I ordered, they refunded. #$%&! They looked so cool, too...

Rah Rah Rasputin / Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that / Really loved Birds. -- Boney M

by Titov on Apr 10, 2008 1:03 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

they refunded me.

but my brother got his Phillies Obama shirt, and it looked AWESOME.

by zknower on Apr 11, 2008 9:28 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs