Help the Orioles Improve Attendance
by BrianS on Apr 3, 2008 3:24 PM EDT
85 comments
Wow, I guess every fan got his/her own section last night. Because I feel so bad for Mr. Angelos, and even more so because I'm bored (sorry), I decided to try to help the Orioles by coming up with some dumb great ideas for promotions.
1. All You Can Drink Right Field Nightclub -- All You Can Eat Left Field Club is sweet, but this section would be sold out every night.
2. Sell the team to Cal Ripken
3. Make Cal the starting SS -- Cal looks like he's put on a little weight, and somehow gotten even balder than his playing days, but I bet he could still outhit Luis.
4. Dugout seating -- Fenway's Monster seats were a hit, so why not take that concept a step farther and let fans sit even closer to the action. With these seats, you might end up as the starting pitcher, though.
5. Chad Bradford Night -- half price admission for any mustachioed O's fans.
6. More games against the Yankees and Red Sox -- If you're Peter Angelos, you don't care whose money you're takin'.
7. I don't know, maybe actually have a good season once in awhile.
8. Build a new stadium -- Worked for the Phillies and Nats.
Come on, I know the rest of you need some pointless activity to fill the long 3.5 hours between now and gametime. Help Petey out!
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9. Run a WWE-style angle where someone keeps tampering with the blood tests of players and we're losing guys to 15-game suspensions. Reval the culprit as...Rafael Palmeiro! Bad guys draw crowds.
10. Half-price admission to anyone who has convinced their child (age 6-12) to not be a Red Sox fan.
by SC on Apr 3, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Oh no! That's Rafael Palmiero's music!
(Runs onto the field and pretends to hit B-Rob with a chair. Fake violence and hilarity ensue.)
by BrianS on Apr 3, 2008 4:13 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
11. Selected players play pantsless.
"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."
by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 3:42 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Be careful what you wish for, Greta,,,,
Otherwise, you'd be looking at a pantsless George Sherril, Steve Trachsel, and Kevin Millar.
by Chanumas on Apr 3, 2008 3:45 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Selected by me and 2632, duh
Because as much as I love Kevin Millar, he ALWAYS needs to be wearing pants.
Formerly known as Javylicious.
by Stacey on Apr 3, 2008 3:51 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Pants are not optional for Kevbo. They are mandatory.
"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."
by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 4:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
So it won't be too much of a jarring change...
12. Dress like an empty seat night
by Chanumas on Apr 3, 2008 3:44 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Great idea.
The Orioles should have broken alternate dark green uniforms this year.
by BrianS on Apr 4, 2008 8:44 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Like in A League of Their Own
Catch a foul ball, get a kiss!
Formerly known as Javylicious.
by Stacey on Apr 3, 2008 3:53 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Again, the characters involved in said promotion are key.
To be clear, Angelos would not be doing the kissing.
"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."
by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 4:01 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
You kiss whoever hits it
They'll scatter like roaches when an Aubrey Huff sends one into the stands! Cat fights galore over a Markakis ball! Hijinx will definitely ensue.
Formerly known as Javylicious.
by Stacey on Apr 3, 2008 4:05 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hijinks! Madcap antics! ESPN will love it.
"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."
by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 4:07 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
14. Homeless Day
July 15th Baltimore's Homeless Come Free!
Bringing light to a societal ill rampant in Baltimore, filling seats for the cameras and helping the needy. What's not to love?
"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."
by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 4:06 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Let's take this a step further.
Let them sit in "All you can eat left field club"
by BrianS on Apr 3, 2008 4:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
pretty sure...
there's a wire tie in there somewhere.
by j.q. higgins on Apr 3, 2008 5:10 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I think low attendance is a great idea.
No one should go to the park until PA sells the team.
"If you're not practicing, somebody else is, somewhere, and he'll be ready to take your job." -Brooks Robinson
by exitfare on Apr 3, 2008 4:20 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Let the crowd manage
It's been done, by Bill Veeck of course. Give all those that attend an electronic vote in place of the old fashioned cards. Flash questions on the scoreboard at critical times. Give Trax the hook? Bunt in the second inning after a leadoff single? Louieee or Fahey at SS?
by drj on Apr 3, 2008 4:38 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Number 15
15. Dunk your least favorite Oriole night. Set up a booth with a chair above a tub of water, set up a target, pick your least favorite Oriole, and grab some baseballs. If you hit the target, your least favorite Oriole gets a little bath. I'm sure if Angelos sat in the booth, ticket sales would soar. Player wise, I think I would have to pick Mora.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 4:53 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Alternately....
....you could set up water/green slime dispensers to hit them at unexpected times, a la "You Can't Do That On Television"
I can't be the only person in the world that remembered that show existed, right? Right?
by Chanumas on Apr 3, 2008 5:33 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Alanis Morrisette was on it.
Harder question next time. :)
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
by duck on Apr 3, 2008 5:39 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
"You Can't Do That On Television"
I totally loved that show when I was a kid.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 6:45 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I remember it, but I was not allowed to watch it.
Too low brow. My parents are very high brow people.
"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."
by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 8:14 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Number 16
Win a date with Amber night. Good evening ladies, oowww.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 4:55 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Lemme tell ya what Melba Toast is packin' right here, alright? We got 4:11 Positrac outback, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bored over 30, 11 to 1 pop-up pistons, turbo-jet 390 horsepower. We're talkin' some fuckin'. muscle.
by SC on Apr 3, 2008 5:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
marijuana on 1, reefer on 2.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 5:12 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
favorite wooderson quote though is
"Yeah, well, listen. You ought to ditch the two geeks you're in the car with now and get in with us. But that's all right, we'll worry about that later. I will see you there. All right?"
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 3, 2008 5:17 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Thats what I like about these high school girls...
... I get older, they stay the same age.
"Baltimore? That's like being hit in the head with a crowbar once a day."
by spike2131 on Apr 4, 2008 4:31 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I've decided
that Amber's everydayness is what makes her attractive. Is she a super model? No. But I'm sure as hell not dating any supermodels. Amber though is the girl next door... a Winnie Cooper if you will. And I much rather take out a Winnie than say a Madeline to use a Wonder Years metaphor.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 4, 2008 3:04 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
But...
...girl next door types are supposed to be smart.
by punkrawka on Apr 4, 2008 7:16 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
+1 to punkrawka
Someone pull out the butter, cuz the burn is on.
What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.
by Ghost of Floyd Rayford on Apr 4, 2008 8:06 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
yeah, because those playmates are rocket scientists
although. to be fair, I don't consider them "the girl next door" types anyways.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 4, 2008 12:57 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Madeline was not for me
You know who was a good Kevin Arnold love interest? Cara.
I also generally hated Winnie Cooper.
And Craig Hobson was such a penis.
by SC on Apr 4, 2008 9:30 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Craig Hobson
He was such a huge miscast, sort of like E from Entourage. He's suppose to be the aloof, cool kid, but the actor who played him is TERRIBLE. I'm on season 4 right now so I haven't made it to Cara yet. I've seen pictures of recent Madeline and that girl looks EXACTLY the same. It's almost freaky. I mean when I was 14, I had a bad Asian bowl haircut and zits. I would like to think I look a lot different today, and I think that's true for a lot of people.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 4, 2008 12:46 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Cara episodes are both wonderful
Two of my very favorites.
by SC on Apr 4, 2008 1:04 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
those AND
The one where Winnie is dissing Kevin all episode and then -- ah, I don't wanna spoil it for you if you haven't seen it. But oh snap I almost wept.
What a show.
by SC on Apr 4, 2008 1:04 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
The Wonder Years are unwatchable
not in a bad way, though. In a King of Comedy/Curb Your Enthusiasm kind of way. And who here doesn't love Daniel Stern?
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words—"mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
-Jack Handey
by jobe on Apr 8, 2008 2:09 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
no, you did not just go there.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 8, 2008 2:25 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Go where?
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words—"mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
-Jack Handey
by jobe on Apr 8, 2008 12:55 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
take back what you said about the wonder years
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 8, 2008 6:19 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
One thing about Winnie, though...
...Danica McKellar graduated summa cum laude as a math major, and coauthored a paper on orthogonality. Gotta give props for that.
by Chanumas on Apr 8, 2008 5:16 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
And wrote the classic
Math Doesn't Suck - A guide for Middel School Girls.
Totally bought that for, uh, my daughter, yeah, that's it.
Dudes, she's still SMOKIN' HOT.
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major League
by duck on Apr 8, 2008 5:23 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I love me some Danica
I saw her on West Wing and I couldn't find fault in anything she does.
Wolf, wolf, wolf.
by birdman on Apr 8, 2008 6:20 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
She was good on the short-lived Fred Savage sitcom "Working."
Which I maintain was pretty good!
by SC on Apr 8, 2008 6:46 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
That was a great show!
Sort of a cross between Scrubs and the Office
by Chanumas on Apr 8, 2008 7:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I think we've found our beach ball
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major Leauge
by duck on Apr 3, 2008 5:42 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
You could always use your fancy new scoreboard...
...that apparently shoots fireworks to launch Jay Gibbons out of a cannon. Pretty sure he's not busy.
"Yeah, I mean - Cal was much more important to me growing up than Jesus. And frankly, set just as good an example. Loyalty, discipline, hard work, humility, generosity, charity, AND 3,184 career hits. Is JESUS in the 3,000 hit club? I don't think so." - 2632
by Kristen on Apr 3, 2008 6:06 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
people would pay good money to see that shit.
"The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again."
by 2632 on Apr 3, 2008 8:16 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I would pay good money
to be the person who sets off the cannon
Formerly known as Javylicious.
by Stacey on Apr 3, 2008 9:39 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Sit Angelos in the cheap seats
A different section each night. Make him actually watch the team that's out there and take general abuse from the disgruntled commoners he so disdains.
At least you'd sell a section a night.
by drj on Apr 3, 2008 8:46 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Play SS Sweepstakes
Randomly drawn fan gets to play SS for an inning. Make it part of the 7th inning stretch so people have to hang around.
by drj on Apr 3, 2008 10:26 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Free Vacant Rowhome Night
Baltimore Vacants given away free of charge to the first 45,00 fans. Don't worry. There'll still be plenty left to go around - even if it's a sellout.
by Jonny Pops on Apr 3, 2008 10:46 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
WALK FOR BEER night
A coupon for a free beer at a future game will be given for each BB given up by O's pitching.
This would lead to sellout crowds on Danny Cabs nights, and would increase future attendance at the same time. Heck, they could run the promo once a week and watch the fans get drunker and drunker throughout the season.
by zknower on Apr 3, 2008 11:43 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I love this idea.
However, I think this would actually cause a worldwide beer shortage that would precipitously raise the price of beer for all non-Walk for Beer Night consumers.
Camden Yards would no-doubt be burned down by angry protesters.
by BrianS on Apr 4, 2008 8:48 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Good God
They'd need to put the American and National Bohemian breweries back into operation to keep up with this.
by Jonny Pops on Apr 4, 2008 10:11 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Keep up the winning, Orioles
If you build it, they will come.
by BrianS on Apr 6, 2008 8:32 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
We're internet celebrities!!!
Now we just need some more internet money.
Why the Hell Not?
by BrianS on Apr 9, 2008 8:18 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
All Canadian CC member can...
GO ON STRIKE! Get some of that internet money!
"I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves." - Major League
by duck on Apr 9, 2008 12:58 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Now listen, buddy!
"Sneezing Panda" & "Leave Brittney Alone Guy" are worth millions!
That's Euros, pounds or Canadian dollars. US dollars? Billions!
You can't fix stupid. Stupid is forever.
by sluggo 2.0 on Apr 9, 2008 2:57 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I remember 10 cent beer night in Cleveland-- now THAT was a promo!
OK, not a very *smart* promo, but boy did it get everybody's attention. And no, I wasn't there. I skipped Woodstock, too. Same difference. Anyway, judging by the pictures, SC woulda loved 10 cent brewski night on the lake: it was a lot of angry, badly dressed, overweight, middle-aged white guys running around a sports facility swearing, punching people and throwing seats and stuff-- yup, it was 10,000 Bobby Knights!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Cent_Beer_Night
More seriously, how about
16. Fred Manfra Public Lobotomy Night. (Follow-up game: Can YOU tell the difference?)
17. Wedgie Petey in Effigy Night. For the college crowd: several teams from local schools, life-size Petey mannequins, you get the idea.
18. Democratize Iran By Airmail Night. For when Sen. McCain is in attendance. Will require local Air National Guard, or Pussy Galore, if the team is still available.
19. Storm the Warehouse Night. See dayzd's picture: torches, pitchforks, chains, like that. We'll let Mac out, but Petey burns.
20. Drunken Russians night. Kind of like every hockey game here in the Soviet era, when guys could tell their wives "I'm going to the hockey game," which sounded SO much better than "I'm going out to get completely sh*tfaced with Fedya and those guys again." 'Course, tickets cost actual *money* now, so people pretty much skip the hockey game part. Anyway, the idea at the Yard would be 10-cent Stoly shots... so you'd get Cleveland, only much faster.
Rah Rah Rasputin / Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that / Really loved Birds. -- Boney M
by Titov on Apr 9, 2008 1:46 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
10 cent beer night in Cleveland
I have never heard a more dangerous idea in my life. I've been to Cleveland. Jesus Christ.
by SC on Apr 9, 2008 1:59 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Best line in the wake of life-threatening assaults involving knives, chains, baseball bats and stadium seats:
"American League president Lee McPhail commented, 'There was no question that beer played a part in the riot.'"
Rumor has it that there was also no question that gravity played a part in things falling down and the the departure of the sun played a part in the arrival of nightfall.
Pass the Strohs.
Rah Rah Rasputin / Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that / Really loved Birds. -- Boney M
by Titov on Apr 9, 2008 2:26 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
it's Shorts backwards
I had one particular Stroh's night I'd rather not remember.
by SC on Apr 9, 2008 5:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ah, beer nostalgia... Hey, that's it: Beer Nostalgia Night!
I'll bring a six of Utica Club for me and my date and maybe a case of Iron City longnecks for passing around the CC section (and later fighting, of course). Oh wait, apparently Iron City's still around. Sort of. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_City_Brewing_Company
Jeez, so's Utica Club, also very sort of. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utica_Club
Well, we can be nostalgic for the locally-brewed original version of Natty Boh, of course (as 2632 no doubt is). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Bohemian
All these would be *chasers*, of course, to the *real* point of the evening: 10 cent Stolies (Absolut is out, btw, for trying to steal back the half of Mexico we stole fair and square-- the part with the paved roads. Lotta nerve, frickin' Swedes.).
Rah Rah Rasputin / Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that / Really loved Birds. -- Boney M
by Titov on Apr 10, 2008 12:49 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Z: Did you get an O' Bama t-shirt? I ordered, they refunded. #$%&! They looked so cool, too...
Rah Rah Rasputin / Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that / Really loved Birds. -- Boney M
by Titov on Apr 10, 2008 1:03 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
F*ckin' PC Bud at it again! Dammit, he better be in the Warehouse conspiring with Petey when we torch the place.
Rah Rah Rasputin / Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that / Really loved Birds. -- Boney M
by Titov on Apr 11, 2008 1:13 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
they refunded me.
but my brother got his Phillies Obama shirt, and it looked AWESOME.
by zknower on Apr 11, 2008 9:28 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
interesting
aside from never having heard of that, I learned from the wiki that Lowenstein once played third base for Texas?
Who knew?
by zknower on Apr 9, 2008 4:24 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I think cheap beer may be the answer
Seriously, $6.75 for a brew is ridiculous.
If they could do, like, $3 Budweiser night, it think it would be a pretty big draw.
Not that Budweiser isn't shit beer, but for $3 a cup, I'd be willing to drink a lot of it.
MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC MAGIC
by spike2131 on Apr 11, 2008 4:57 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Improve attendance
Play the Mariners every day.
Why the Hell Not?
by BrianS on Apr 11, 2008 8:01 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Have Adam Jone T-Shirt night
I thought I heard attendance was about 15K. They gave out 10K shirts. So 5K worked up the energy to go to a game and pick up a shirt only to come home empty handed (and watch a crummy game to boot).
by drj on Apr 16, 2008 9:27 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
In fairness....
only those 18 & over were supposed to get a shirt, and I imagine at least a few thousand of that 5K was under 18.
"I win! I think I'm better at chess than you, Dad." - My 7 year old, after he beat me for the first (and not last) time.
by duck on Apr 16, 2008 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
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