Elect a President
And thus, a Presidential nominee for these United States of America.
I know it sounds stupid, but just do it. For me. For kicks.
Now as we all know, the President of the United States has to be born in America, so a good portion of the team is ineligible.
Feel free to think about the politics of it all. Luke Scott is a gun nut, for instance. Jay Payton has a history of professional issues. George Sherrill can't bend a cap right. Kevin Millar's loyalty has been questioned. Aubrey Huff is a pervert. Lance Cormier's name sounds all French. Nick Markakis once represented Greece. Brian Roberts used steroids. Chad Bradford throws underhand. Jamie Walker can't get lefties out.
Have fun. Debate. Elect. Do me the solid.
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Funny how we all think alike
I went with Guthrie… Figured more people would be on Markakis, Roberts, Huff.
Guthrie definitely for president. He went to Stanford, he rides a bicycle, and he doesn’t drink alcohol nor coffee. And that new hitch in his delivery is totally cool.
by Y Not on Aug 7, 2008 7:10 AM EDT 0 recs
Don't blame me, I voted for Adam Jones.
"He’s in trouble. Whatever he throws me, I’m going to hit it."
-- Alex Cintron
by BrianS on Aug 7, 2008 7:42 AM EDT 0 recs
I voted Guthrie.
He seems like a decent guy. He’s a family man which I think bears some importance in a President. He believes in conservation and alternative energy. He went to Stanford. What more can you want?
by Jonny Pops on Aug 7, 2008 9:05 AM EDT 0 recs
Someone who doesn't believe in the gift of tongues.
or the second coming of Christ.
I bear no ill-will to people with such beliefs. I just don’t want them leading this country.
I went for JJ. Dependable, not flashy, low-profile. Makes me feel safe.
by zknower on
Aug 7, 2008 9:20 AM EDT
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Oh, come on...
...if you take every “Christian” candidate on their word that they’re in fact religious, then they believe in the second coming as well. The tongue thing, maybe not. But we can’t hold the guy’s religion against him.
by Jonny Pops on
Aug 7, 2008 9:26 AM EDT
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i voted for jj...
just sounds like the most vanilla. brian roberts, adam jones and jeremy guthrie followed close behind in the j.q. higgins primary.
if the question is what current oriole could i actually see going in to politics and being, like, good at it? guts…or millar.
foghat goes with everything--birdman, 5/16/08
by j.q. higgins on
Aug 7, 2008 9:41 AM EDT
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Vanilla is a loaded word in politics.
As loaded as CHOCOLATE.
by Y Not on
Aug 7, 2008 1:42 PM EDT
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well...
what do i know? i’m from chocolate city, dude.
foghat goes with everything--birdman, 5/16/08
by j.q. higgins on
Aug 7, 2008 1:58 PM EDT
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I know.
And you’re a lawyer too. You can say ANYTHING you want.
by Y Not on
Aug 7, 2008 2:08 PM EDT
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Sure I can.
Just as most people in this country would NEVER vote an atheist into the White House, I am free to prefer someone whose religious beliefs are unknown to me over someone whose beliefs constitute a major part of his life.
by zknower on
Aug 7, 2008 6:51 PM EDT
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Regardless
if the man has strong religious convictions, I don’t see what the problem is if they’re tempered by a strong belief in a secular government. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.
by Jonny Pops on
Aug 7, 2008 10:48 PM EDT
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No, they're not.
But given the absence of Jeremy’ statement that he has a strong belief in a secular government, I’m voting for a different candidate.
by zknower on
Aug 8, 2008 12:56 AM EDT
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Maybe I was wrong about you, Johnny
I really like this statement, because it’s truly what the founding fathers believed. And here I used to think you were a total pinko, but instead you’ve offered true insight. Just another piece of evidence that you can never really know someone based solely on what they post on the internet.
by PhilR8 on
Aug 8, 2008 10:00 AM EDT
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Those are pretty much the kind of people who founded this country.
Kevbo: [to George Sherrill] George, you look a lot like Vin Diesel...
Flatbill: Let's get somethin' straight... Vin Diesel looks like me.
-From "The Making of Orioles Magic"
by dayzd toe on
Aug 7, 2008 10:46 AM EDT
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Yup.
They founded it to have religious freedom. Not the lockstepping that is seen on the national political level these days.
by zknower on
Aug 7, 2008 6:52 PM EDT
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Who voted Payton?
He’s be the perfect President to jump at every single policy proposal laid before him. The country would be bankrupt, with no credit within 3 1/2 weeks.
by Jonny Pops on Aug 7, 2008 9:07 AM EDT 0 recs
I don't know.. after yesterday's game?
I want him on that wall, I need him on that wall!
by Y Not on
Aug 7, 2008 1:42 PM EDT
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Mr. Payton, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!
Kevbo: [to George Sherrill] George, you look a lot like Vin Diesel...
Flatbill: Let's get somethin' straight... Vin Diesel looks like me.
-From "The Making of Orioles Magic"
by dayzd toe on
Aug 7, 2008 3:42 PM EDT
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+2, lol!
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Churchill,1942-- a rebuilding year.
by Titov on
Aug 7, 2008 4:14 PM EDT
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Contrary to popular belief
I believe that it is time for a black president and I voted for Jones.
The stock market will never recover, our armies will never again be #1, and our children will drink filthy water for the rest of their lives - HST
by the fix is in on Aug 7, 2008 9:15 AM EDT 0 recs
Contrary?
The black candidate in that other contest is in the lead.
by Jonny Pops on
Aug 7, 2008 9:19 AM EDT
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I think its time for the best man for the job...
Race has no place in it.
Kevbo: [to George Sherrill] George, you look a lot like Vin Diesel...
Flatbill: Let's get somethin' straight... Vin Diesel looks like me.
-From "The Making of Orioles Magic"
by dayzd toe on
Aug 7, 2008 10:53 AM EDT
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Guts
Guthrie’s got it all. Charisma, honor, integrity, pitch control….he just needs a cabinet (lineup) that supports him.
by blawk359 on Aug 7, 2008 9:18 AM EDT 0 recs
I voted Guts
And I stand by that vote. I want Luke for veep, though.
by PhilR8 on Aug 7, 2008 9:20 AM EDT 0 recs
I like Luke.
After all the gun hullaballoo in the preseason, I have come to like Luke as a player. He works hard and hits dongs. I don’t want the guy within a heartbeat of the Presidency though. We need someone a little more stable…and someone who can hit lefties.
by Jonny Pops on
Aug 7, 2008 9:28 AM EDT
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You're probably right
Luke’s, uh, hairstyle has always concerned me… he has the hair of a corrupt televangelist. And while I don’t mind corrupt televangelists hitting home runs and making nice plays in left field for my team, I probably wouldn’t want them withe their finger on the button.
by PhilR8 on
Aug 7, 2008 9:31 AM EDT
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that reminds me too much of...

foghat goes with everything--birdman, 5/16/08
by j.q. higgins on
Aug 7, 2008 9:43 AM EDT
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Mr. President, I'm beginning to smell a great big fat Commie rat!
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Churchill,1942-- a rebuilding year.
by Titov on
Aug 7, 2008 4:19 PM EDT
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I don't think Guts would want Luke for veep
I know your running mates have to have different strengths, but Luke would always be bugging him about abandoning his cult religion for The Lord, and trying to invite the the head of the NRA over for state dinners. It’d never work out.
"There is a value to breaking the string of losing seasons as an organization or as a franchise. But breaking that streak can’t come at the expense of doing what you need to do to get your franchise to the point where it can reach the postseason." ~Andy MacPhail
by Stacey on
Aug 7, 2008 11:59 AM EDT
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aint nothing wrong with that
Yeah they’re kinda kooky, but Guts is the man.
by UMterp08 on
Aug 7, 2008 10:02 AM EDT
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Mormoms don't seem to be bent on world domination
so I don’t really care what they believe in, and I would expect Guts to understand that America has room for all sorts of dissonant views and beliefs.
Scientologists, on the other hand, want to silence the opposing viewpoint and pass their own off as “truth.” I only bring up scientology because, in my opinion, both scientology and mormonism share similarly silly beliefs, but mormons seem content to coexist with society as a whole.
Hasn’t South Park taught us anything?!?
by PhilR8 on
Aug 7, 2008 10:03 AM EDT
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I'm in San Francisco right now...
...and last night I was going for a late burger, around 10PM. I walked past a Church of Scientology and there was this group of college kids protesting the place. Someone walked out of the building and they started screaming at him how he his religion was a fraud cooked up by a Science Fiction writer and how he was full of shit. On the way back they were affixing what appeared to be police tape on the sidewalk except it read: “CAUTION: BULLSHITTER IN AREA, WEAR HIGH BOOTS”. It was fucking hilarious.
by Jonny Pops on
Aug 7, 2008 11:54 AM EDT
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Mormons
You just have to be sure he has already done his 2 year mission or whatever it is they do. He’d probably get elected then run off to S. America to save the rain forest and all it’s indigenous peoples.
Always trust your cape. -Guy Clark
by BPinOK on
Aug 7, 2008 12:02 PM EDT
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He has, I remember reading about it early last year
Guts took two years off from baseball to help poor people and he is STILL the man. He’s super-human.
by PhilR8 on
Aug 7, 2008 12:27 PM EDT
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with a 97mph fastball and filthy stuff
Curt never met a buttered roll he didn't like.
by CoachOfEarl on
Aug 7, 2008 5:13 PM EDT
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Guthrie is a commie name
No way he’s my president. Arlo? WOODY? No way, Ho-Say
I voted Adam Jones. That’s a good, solid, American name if I’ve ever heard one. Second vote was Jim Johnson (alliteration is potentially subversive, though), and then Garrett Olson (too Swedish, and thus too gay).
by pipkin on Aug 7, 2008 11:33 AM EDT 0 recs
Am I total nerd
if the first thing I thought of was, “sure we’re following the born in the USA rule, but not the 35 year old rule?”
"There is a value to breaking the string of losing seasons as an organization or as a franchise. But breaking that streak can’t come at the expense of doing what you need to do to get your franchise to the point where it can reach the postseason." ~Andy MacPhail
by Stacey on Aug 7, 2008 11:35 AM EDT 0 recs
I thought the exact same thing...
but that’d leave us with who…
Jamie Walker? Could you IMAGINE this guy in the White House?
Juan Castro? Yeah, Castro, didn’t he die recently?
Kevin Millar?
(this could be converted to “Millar… President” fairly easily)
Melvin Mora? Family man… yeah… FAMILY MAN!!!
and
Jay Payton? Wall-climber extraordinaire.
Adjust your voting accordingly.
Kevbo: [to George Sherrill] George, you look a lot like Vin Diesel...
Flatbill: Let's get somethin' straight... Vin Diesel looks like me.
-From "The Making of Orioles Magic"
by dayzd toe on
Aug 7, 2008 3:49 PM EDT
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Millar is more like the president’s hayseed younger brother who shows up in the newspaper once in a while for urinating in public. (Billy Carter, Roger Clinton etc.)
Writing is God's way of showing you how sloppy your thinking is.
by typozzz on
Aug 7, 2008 7:39 PM EDT
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Oh and I also voted for Jeremy Guthrie
I don’t care about his religion, I care about his ethics and he seems to have them in spades. He’s also very eloquent, classy, a hard worker, environmentally sound. What else could you want? I think Nick would be a good VP. He’s quiet and goes about his business, he’s not about to offend anyone. I could also go with Adam Jones for VP. He’s got the goods as well.
"There is a value to breaking the string of losing seasons as an organization or as a franchise. But breaking that streak can’t come at the expense of doing what you need to do to get your franchise to the point where it can reach the postseason." ~Andy MacPhail
by Stacey on Aug 7, 2008 11:40 AM EDT 0 recs
aj...
is also quick-witted enough to handle the vp attack dog responsibilities.
foghat goes with everything--birdman, 5/16/08
by j.q. higgins on
Aug 7, 2008 11:48 AM EDT
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Gee, I can't believe
No one wants Aubrey Huff to be the president!
"There is a value to breaking the string of losing seasons as an organization or as a franchise. But breaking that streak can’t come at the expense of doing what you need to do to get your franchise to the point where it can reach the postseason." ~Andy MacPhail
by Stacey on Aug 7, 2008 11:57 AM EDT 0 recs
Didn't
we already have Audrey as president for most of the 90s?
Always trust your cape. -Guy Clark
by BPinOK on
Aug 7, 2008 12:03 PM EDT
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I just know
Audrey was described as a pervert in the intro.
Always trust your cape. -Guy Clark
by BPinOK on
Aug 7, 2008 12:09 PM EDT
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doesn't he give off...
more of a strom thurmond type of vibe? like, the dirty old man, southern senator likely to mount a filibuster lest his intern promptly brings him a danish?
foghat goes with everything--birdman, 5/16/08
by j.q. higgins on
Aug 7, 2008 1:21 PM EDT
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Aubrey reminds me of Tom Hanks in "Charlie Wilson's War"
Irreverent, but a heart of gold.
by PhilR8 on
Aug 7, 2008 1:32 PM EDT
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I think he'd mount anything
if it’s been long enough.
Kevbo: [to George Sherrill] George, you look a lot like Vin Diesel...
Flatbill: Let's get somethin' straight... Vin Diesel looks like me.
-From "The Making of Orioles Magic"
by dayzd toe on
Aug 7, 2008 3:51 PM EDT
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Jaime Walker
and Kevin Millar would be an awesome duo. They might not get many votes but they’d be entertaining as hell. I’m guessing Millar would have to be the man with Walker as veep.
Always trust your cape. -Guy Clark
by BPinOK on Aug 7, 2008 12:11 PM EDT 0 recs
Jim Johnson
just looks presidential. Plus every complete century in American history has to have a president Johnson. It’s a rule.
Has there ever been a cooler Oriole than Eddie Murray? I mean, just straight up cool. Like a bad, suave dude. You know what I'm sayin'. COOL. SC 7/24/08
by 33 on Aug 7, 2008 12:42 PM EDT 0 recs
Jim Johnson is too inexperienced.
I need a proven track record. A good performance here and there is nice, but I need consistency. Anyway, Jeremy Guthrie believes in Oriole Magic.
I can’t believe I’ve spent so much time on this particular thread.
by Y Not on
Aug 7, 2008 1:46 PM EDT
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Golden God for President!
He reminds me of Prez, the Teenage President.
I always say follow your dreams...even if they're about a giant spider with your father's head, and he keeps stealing your p*nis!
by Ghost of Floyd Rayford on Aug 7, 2008 2:39 PM EDT 0 recs
Guts will be the greatest Stanford president since...Herbert Hoover!
I voted for him—meaning Guthrie; c’mon, I’m not that old—largely because of the bike riding (how green is that?), the Millar quote (“He’s Stanford funny”) and because the other Mormon in the race dropped out.
But back to Hoover: yeah, he was a lousy president. But that was largely the result of bad luck and circumstances beyond his (or anybody’s) control. The Crash and the Depression were unprecedented, and the latter was far too complex a phenomenon for any known remedies to cure. The idea of large-scale deficit spending had not occured to anyone—this was still a nation of “balanced budget” virtues; remember, we’re talking about a decade in which Vermont turned down Federal disaster assistance (after the Great Flood) so as not to become too beholden to Washington—and FDR was still wedded to that notion (“We will balance the budget!”) well into his second term.
Hoover had a record not just as a good administrator but a great one. In the Russian context, the Hoover-led American Relief Administration overcame enormous obstacles (and state hostility) to save literally millions of Russian lives during the terrible famine (some of natural causes, some of more sinister) in the early 1920s. If it had been possible to administrate our way out of the Depression, HH probably would’ve found a way to do it.
So yeah, Guts it is. Somewhere, Hoover will be smiling.
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Churchill,1942-- a rebuilding year.
by Titov on Aug 7, 2008 4:12 PM EDT 0 recs
Soil Conservation Act
Wasn’t Hoover responsible for the large scale soil conservation efforts in the Oklahoma/Texas Panhandles and parts of Kansas, Colorado, and New Mexico that was literally being blown away during the dust bowl? I know that some of that same area is in the midst of a drought right now that matches or exceeds those of the Dust Bowl but as a result of these conservation practices they have not experienced anything near what happened in the past.
Always trust your cape. -Guy Clark
by BPinOK on
Aug 7, 2008 4:23 PM EDT
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Dunno; a quick Googling doesn't show such, but you may know more.
http://library.thinkquest.org/26026/Politics/soil_conservation_act.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soil_Conservation_and_Domestic_Allotment_Act
Thumbnail on HH’s non-Russian admin career:
Herbert Hoover (1874-1964) Stanford-educated mining engineer who brought a formidable record as a government administrator and humanitarian to the Presidency. He had served as a chief engineer in China before the Boxer Rebellion, and had helped organize relief efforts for Belgium and for stranded Americans who were trying to return to the United States before becoming head of the Food Administration under Woodrow Wilson. He performed brilliantly – cutting food consumption at home while at the same time keeping the armies abroad fed without resorting to formal rationing. Under Harding and Coolidge, Hoover was Secretary of Commerce. In the growing economic crisis that accompanied his presidency Hoover was less effective. A fiscal conservative he avoided government intervention. When his administration tried to act—as in the Hawley-Smoot Tariff – they tended to choose courses of action that worsened the problem. Programs that began in 1932 were still aimed primarily at relieving banks and businesses rather than individuals.
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Churchill,1942-- a rebuilding year.
by Titov on
Aug 7, 2008 4:38 PM EDT
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Nope
Sorry Herb…that was FDR.
A copy and paste job from wikipedia…
During President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s first 100 days in 1933, governmental programs designed to restore the ecological balance of the nation were implemented. The U.S. Government formed the Soil Erosion Service in 1933 (reorganized and renamed the Soil Conservation Service in 1935), which is now the Natural Resources Conservation Service (NRCS).[12]
Always trust your cape. -Guy Clark
by BPinOK on
Aug 7, 2008 4:43 PM EDT
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Just post this picture along the borders
We’ll never have to worry about illegal immigrants again.
by PhilR8 on
Aug 8, 2008 9:57 AM EDT
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