I have been getting these in various emails and text messages throughout the week. Here are some of the best. Please add more in comments
Matt Wieters can make an omelette without breaking any eggs.
Matt Wieters played drums for Spinal Tap, and lived to tell about it.
Matt Wieters does not take his defensive position behind home plate. Home plate takes its position in front of Matt Wieters
Matt Wieters is a switch hitter, but only because it is against MLB rules to hit backward with one hand tied.
Brian Roberts will ride Matt Wieters to victory in the 2010 Preakness
On Friday the shape of home plate will be changed to a "W"
Matt Wieters once hit a home run into San Francisco's McCovey Cove. From Oakland.
In 2010 MLB will institute a 10-run mercy rule. Yankees fans will know it informally as the "Wieters Rule"
Matt Wieters has hit a 5-run homer. Twice.
Matt Wieters is the biological offspring of Carlton Fisk and the Atlantic Ocean
Matt Wieters is stuck in MLB for lack of a higher league
The acronym "NSFW" (not safe for work) will soon be understood only to mean "Not Safe from Wieters"
Matt Wieters won't be participating in the World Baseball Classic until Mount Olympus is recognized as a competitor
Major League Baseball will hand Matt Wieters a 50-game suspension in 2012, after declaring Matt Wieters's blood and saliva banned substances.
Matt Wieters broke a bat last night. The whereabouts of the ball are still unknown.
Matt Wieters took batting practice this morning. There were no survivors.
Matt Wieters sometimes homers from the on-deck circle out of sheer impatience.
Matt Wieters gets bad pitches, not because the pitcher misses, but because the balls flee for survival.
The New Yankee Stadium will be known as "The House Wieters Crapped On"
Matt Wieters is so important that once he was called up Peter Schmuck stopped wearing Hawaiian shirts and switched to suits.
Matt Wieters is so intimidating that pitchers will sometimes walk the batter after him intentionally, just to calm down.