OT: Irritable Bowl Syndrome: Titov's Money Pix, Part deux (Jan. 1-10)

And Happy New Year to you too! OK, now that you’ve made a modest  piece o’ change from December, who’s ready for some Big Casino action in twenty-'leven? The calls are actually easier from here on out, and several are, well, as close to Mortal Locks as Team Titov is ever gonna gitcha. So get them rubles out and start layin’ ‘em down on these:

January 1, 2011

Capital One Bowl: Alabama (-10) vs. Michigan State. Sometimes you really wish both annoying teams could lose. Bama managed to fumble away a 24-0 W @ home to AUB, grr, while MSU can’t figure how their impressive wins over, um, N. Colo., W. Mich. and Fla. Atl. impressed exactly nobody: combine ‘em with a bunch of Big Dim wins and it buys you a lousy cup o’ coffee and no sugar from the BCS. Yes, the SEC has truly earned its slogan – “Celebrating Eleventy-Three Years as America’s Most Overrated Conference” – but remember who they wrested this title away from back when: the Big Dim. Short version: quicker prolly wins over ploddier here, but not by 10, so groan and bet MSU to beat.  

Outback Bowl: Penn State vs. Florida (-7). That number’s prolly about right, and the sensible pick is FLA: Tampa ain’t Gainesville, I know, and FLA lost its 4 games vs. ranked opps. But PSU lost to the 4 ranked it played too, and outgoing Meyer has a 4-1 bowlistory. Unless Joe Pa pulls a My Last Game speech (which could happen…), you should go with the smarter clock manager and his better athletes (and Recreation Studies majors). But strangely enough, I’m not: gimme Joe and a miracle: P-St. to beat that 7.

TicketCity Bowl: Northwestern vs. Texas Tech (-9 ½). Effectively a home game for Tech, and one they will win: the Mildcats stink at bowlery – still looking for the first W in my lifetime – and w/o Persa they’re pretty much dead in the water, even tho Tech’s fine air game is almost undone by its amazing matador secondary. So yeah, take Tech and cross yer fingers.

Gator Bowl: Michigan vs. Mississippi State (-4 ½ ). The Wolferinos, or whatever it is, are another Big Dim mediocrity that deserves to be watching a bowl rather than playing in one. But beating two patsies and then sneaking by MA by 5 – yes, that’s Massachusetts – plus losing to every ranked team you play can make you a bowliferous metal these days, so here they are. Rodriguez may go before kickoff, but who cares? MSU is on a bowl-joyous up-curve and ought to do this 4.5-spot even w/o any QB in particular.

Rose Bowl: TCU (-2 ½) vs. Wisconsin. Raise your hand if you thought TC got jobbed out of a title bid this year. No one? That’s correct. OSU woulda beaten these guys in Arlington if Katz hadn’t choked the chicken his first time out (it happens; and Jacquizz was sub-par, to be fair). This is a good team, sure, but whoa, WI started some serious steroid abuse at about wk 3, after wandering by San Jose [!] and getting beat up at home by the Scum Debbils (who couldn’t kick a PAT) – and eventually ended up scoring 200 pts in their last 3 games against credible Big Dimmers. Anyway, TCU shouldn’t be in the Rose Bowl at all, of course (Stanford should be playing WI), but the bigger ‘n’ slower Cheesers won’t make that point.

Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma (-17) vs. Connecticut. OK, if it’s unfair to call CT a patsy (which I did above), you give ‘em a better name; look, they lost to Rutgers and Temple and were drubbed at L’ville, for heaven’s sake. The Big East is not a major f’ball conf, duh, and this game has all the earmarks of a major blowout. Athletes aside, OK owns the Fiesta Bowl (albeit thx to a Luck-less Stanford last year) and the question becomes how ugly this’ll get in prime time (25? 30? 40?) before its remaining modest audience goes back to the Twilight Zone Marathon on Sci-Fi.

 January 3, 2011

Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Stanford (-3). Gitcha seff that spring tuition money right here, mah frens, as this is the spread-beatin’-est bet o’ the bowl season: Snodfart may be the best team in the country at this pt. – and may well wish to, er, illustrate this principle, led by architectural engineering major Luck, to the other claimant, that interested party from Eugene – especially if the latter whump up on AUB by less than 10-15. Too bad Mark Cuban can’t kill the BCS *this* year, so a neutral-site LSJU-OR game could settle things all gennelmanly ‘n’ everything. Anyway, Tech is as good an ACC team as any in years, and they’ll show up and play hard – and good on them. But this shouldn’t be very close.

January 4, 2011

Sugar Bowl: Arkansas vs. Ohio State (-3 ½) Two more teams that think they are better than they are. Well kids, when you can only pound on Marshall, Ohio and E. Mich. for your outta-conf sked, and then lose to a Big Dim team, you’re not champeenship material, obviously: nobody gives a warm turd about that kind of 11-1 record. And now you have to play a two-time loser from the Bib Overalls Conf, too, hee-hee. Arkingsaw may be slightly less overrated than OH St, but I’m still not excited about picking ‘em to beat 3.5 – which I am, nevertheless, simply on team speed and game-in-climate.

January 6, 2011

GoDaddy.com Bowl: Miami OH (-1 ½) vs. M. TN State. The call you’ve been waiting for! OK, here it is: Sneaking by the likes of Bowling Green and Akron was enough to get the RedHawks favored over yet another 6-6 mediocrity, this one sporting L’s to North TX, Arkingsaw St and Memphis. Yikes. And they’re another Goombye Coach team, at that. Anyway, gimme the Hawks on principle. And on principal, dammit. 

 January 7, 2011

Cotton Bowl: Texas A&M vs. LSU (-1). A semi-home game for A&M, which isn’t a bad team. Neither is LSU, actually, although they don’t pass well and Miles may be the worst clock mgr in the game at this level. Seriously. Take A&M and the point.

 January 8, 2011

BBVA Compass Bowl: Pittsburgh (-3) vs. Kentucky. If this seems like an utter waste of time, put it this way: What else were you gonna be doing at noon this Sat. that would be more worthwhile – shoveling snow? Actually, that might prove more interesting, too. Anyway, if you’re stuck near a TV, take Pitt here – yes, even though they’re in Fired Coach Mode – cuz UK sucks, a 2-6 Bib Overalls team with outta-conf wins against Western Kentucky, Akron and, er, Charleston Southern. Kinda bad odor.

 January 9, 2011

Fight Hunger Bowl: Nevada (-9 ½) vs. Boston College. Ding-ding-ding, alarm bells oughta be going off in your head at the sight of this number. BC is a middling ACC team and Kaepernick & Co. are the ones who put Boise out of our misery. NEV hasn’t been a strong bowl team, but there hasn’t been an NEV team like this one before either. BC’s much-touted run-def nos. were put up w/o meeting Kaepernick and Taua. I’m thinkin’ 14 minimum here. Borrow $ to beat this 9.5.

 January 10, 2011

BCS National Championship: Auburn (-3) vs. Oregon. Hee-hee, AUB is favored. Look at their sked. Seriously, get out your magnifying glass and look up and down the AUB schedule for a team that isn’t part of the SEC-regional circular-logic PR bandwagon (“We’re good b/c we play SEC and regional teams, which are good…b/c they’re, y’know, good”). AUB, with zero outside dates, barely beats ALA, whose outside sked is one Big Dim (PA St) and, gulp, a 1-11 SJS. The Bib Overalls Conf is a lot of self-congratulatory good-ole’ back-slappin’, and you’re welcome to buy in, if you like…

Hey, Cam’s a fine athlete and should have one good half against OR (prolly the 1st, although it’s not critical). But he doesn’t have the players to put up a complete game win against this team. It’s that simple. And whoa, Vegas is giving three here? Try not to get trampled at the betting window