Inside Information: Q&A with my Yankee Fan BFFs

So, as you all know, I've been posting Q&As with a writer from the SBN blog for the team the O's have been facing so far this year. I was planning on sending some questions to Pinstripe Alley, but I kept putting it off. I didn't really feel like thinking up a bunch of questions about the Yankees and sending them off to someone who was just going to write back a bunch of stuff about how awesome the Yankees are. At the same time, I did want to recognize the first series somehow, just as I've done for the other teams to this point. So I decided to get two of my favorite people in the entire world into a chat room and ask them a few truly important questions about the most storied team in the history of sports. 

Julia and Anthony are pretty much my best friends ever. I know I mention going to NJ quite a bit, and when I do these are the people I'm going to see. They're pretty cool, even for Yankee fans. You may remember me telling a story about being at an Orioles-Yankees game at Camden Yards and when some Yankee fans got loud and rude behind us, my friend turned around and gave them the business, telling them they should pipe down and show some respect and almost getting into a fight defending Camden Yards. That friend was Julia. Because she's awesome (and because she kind of likes to fight).

So, without further ado, click through the jump to see what Anthony and Julia have to say about their favorite baseball team, the New York Yankees (and I hope y'all don't find this boring. I think it's a hoot, but I'm hardly impartial).

Stacey:  Ok so are you guys ready for the first question? Pretty much all of these questions are from me, but I got a few ideas from daveh873 and 2632.

Julia: I'm ready

Anthony: I'm ready

Stacey: Have you heard any theories as to why Robinson Cano has gotten off to such a strong start this year?

Julia: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anthony: Oh I knew I wouldn't be any good at this

Julia: ahahahahahaha. I've heard a theory

Stacey AHAHAHAHAHAHA. What's that?

Julia: I've heard that he and Melky were always too busy canoodling when they were on the team together, and now that Melky the distracter is gone, Robbie is free to focus on baseball and baseball alone.

Anthony: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Stacey: ahahahah. Do people actually believe that? Wouldn't it actually make it worse on Robbie that his life partner has been shipped to Atlanta?

Julia:  hahaha, no, i don't think people actually believe that they were lovers

Anthony: only us

Julia: i think people believe that they were out drinking and making it with ladies every night, and now without his wingman he's not as much of a party animal. But we know the truth

Stacey: that is way more boring than them living together out in...Hackensack? and having a catch in the front yard together.

Julia: hahaha Hoboken

Stacey:  I knew it was an H town.

Stacey:  Girardi changing his number to 28: Douchey or inspired?

Anthony: I don't like it

Julia: ahaahahahhahahah. Neither

Stacey: Why not?

Anthony: He should have kept 27 and been all, "Yeah that's right I got it! What now?" Then maybe when they won the 28th he could change to 28 and still be all, "Yeah, that's right! I got it again suckas!" But not yet

Julia: Nah, I disagree. It would be lame to stay with 27. It's more like "Well I already got one, I don't need to try anymore." He made the choice to wear 27 when he was shooting for 27, so he's gotta keep the trend going

Stacey: But most people don't ever change their number. You don't think it's a little, "Look at me! I'm the reason I'm changing my number because I'm so awesome!"

Anthony: I don't think that. I just think he should be proud of his accomplishments.

Julia: I think if you want to call it douchy, you gotta call him wearing 27 douchy, not 28

Stacey: Can't it be both? Also, does douchy have an E in it or not? I can never decide.

Julia: Douchey. No. That doesn't look right.

Stacey: OK. I guess since it's technically not a word we can spell it however. Next question: $10 for a Coors Light, What the hell?

Anthony: hahahahahahahahahaha. I don't have an answer other than, I know right?

Stacey: ahahhaahah, fair enough. So this Brett Gardner character, is he for real?

Anthony: His eyes are too close together

Julia: I don't really trust him or expect too much from him, except maybe good base running, and he should definitely keep his hat on at all times.

Antony: Oh yes! Agreed.

Stacey: Is he hideous?

Julia: He just looks like some kinda uggo when he takes his hat off. It might be the eyes thing, or a giant forehead.

Anthony: I totally get tricked into thinking he's good looking when he wears his hat.

Julia: I like that he wears his socks up though

Stacey: Ooh yes that is a good trait.

Julia: Um, I just googled imaged Brett Gardner, and this is what it came up: http://content2.clipmarks.com/image_cache/zenu1luv/512/CB308817-1D4B-4567-BBAD-57CBD9D8CF3F.jpg

Anthony: AAAAAAAA. WHY

Stacey: That's that fat guy from Mexico, who got married on the flatbed truck.

Julia: Yes, the world's biggest amigo.

Stacey: Why does searching for Brett Gardner show that? Maybe Brett liked that TV special.

Julia: I do NOT know.

Stacey: Who would win in a fight: Nick Swisher or Nick Markakis?

Julia: What kind of fight?  A fist fight?  A sword fight?  A verbal fight?  A slap fight? 

Anthony: A tickle fight?

Stacey: Sword fight.

Julia: I feel like Nick Markakis is more of a swash buckling swordsman

Anthony: hahaha swashbuckling

Julia: But Nick Swisher could totally just sucker punch him

Anthony: Nick Swisher fights dirty, fo sho.

Stacey: that would be kind of rude considering it's a sword fight. Way to be a dirty cheater, Nick Swisher

Julia: I can't really imagine him fighting, he's so happy all the time. I think it takes a lot to piss him off, but when you cross the line, watch out.

Stacey: Nick Swisher would definitely win in a verbal fight. Nick Markakis is just like, "you know...you know" and Nick Swisher is always raising a ruckus

Julia: However, in an awesomeness competition, Markakis totally wins because he owns a pair of Heely's.

Anthony: hahahaha. I love Markakis (beardless).

Stacey: Yes. They showed this thing of him on the jumbotron at the last game I went to, where he balances the stuff on his chin, and one of the things was a shopping cart!

Julia: Is he some kinda circus freak?

Stacey: I have a picture: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Camden-Chat/154951674521?v=photos&ref=ts#!/photo.php?pid=3583381&id=154951674521&fbid=383605574521. He's a total freak

Julia: I don't think I like it. He loses some points for that

Stacey: How much longer can Mark Teixeira play like this before he starts getting booed in Yankee Stadium?

Julia: I feel like maybe Mark gets a little bit more time than the average player would because New Yorkers like him and he's got that reputation for being a slow starter. I think he gets until May.

Stacey: Well May is Saturday

Julia: He's allowed to have a slow April, but if it continues into May he might be in trouble.

Stacey: Do you think he might hit better if he learned to close his mouth?

Julia: Jesus Christ THIS Saturday?!

Stacey: Yeah

Julia: I think that Phil Hughes would be unstoppable if he learned to close his mouth.

Stacey: ahahahhaahahaahah. For such a talented team the Yankees sure do have a lot of mouth breathers.

Julia: Perhaps there are a disproportionate amount of talented mouth breathers in the world of sports.

Stacey: Now, Javier Vazquez is already getting booed, right?

Julia: Yes he is getting booed, and being a big baby about it

Stacey: How is he being a baby?

Julia: He did some complaining that he didn't think he deserved to get booed.

Stacey: That'll make them stop, Javy. How many more crappy starts does he get before everyone starts wanting him pulled from the rotation? 

Julia: I don't know about pulling him from the rotation.  I don't like thinking that any game he starts is like a guaranteed loss, but I don't want Joba going back into the rotation.

Stacey: I mean, he has to get better, right? He is a good pitcher. At least, he was in the NL, but we all know what that means. And why does fate see fit to not let him face the Orioles this series?

Julia: I don't know what fate's problem is, but it's kinda hatin on the Orioles at the moment

Stacey: I know, right? Fate is a jerk.

Julia: Do you think fate is a man or a lady?

Stacey: Hard to say. On one hand, it acts like a big mean jerky man. But on the other hand, it's kind of a bitch.

Julia: I don't think Javy is meant to be a Yankee.

Anthony: I don't think it has a gender. it's not a person

Stacey: I feel like if it makes decisions on behalf of the world, it has a gender.

Julia: I think according to Greek mythology, fate is a lady

Anthony: well then that's settled

Stacey: Why is Derek Jeter such a drama queen?

Anthony: hahahaha

Julia: AHAHHAAHAHAHAHAH

Anthony: hahahahahaahahah

Julia: Derek Jeter is a drama queen because he's my SOULMATE, and we all know that I heart drama.

Stacey: Actually, that makes sense

Anthony: That is a really good reason

Stacey: Because you LOVE drama.

Julia: obvi.

Stacey: Why didn't I ever think of that before?

Julia: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Stacey: Now, how can your soulmate look like a chipmunk? I just don't get it. Wouldn't you rather your soulmate look like Reggie Bush? Or someone else attractive?

Julia: AHAHAHAHA. Of course I would rather my soulmate look like Reggie Bush! But you don't get to pick your soulmate! Fate decides that!

Stacey: That crazy lady.

Stacey: This is one of Dave's questions (paraphrased): Do you ever feel like watching the Yankees is the equivalent of watching me play my 5 year old niece at basketball? It's not fair, and you already know who's going to win, so what's the fun?

Julia: Don't be so hard on yourself Dave, I'm sure you'll beat her someday.

Stacey: ahahahaahhahahaahahaha. Brilliant.

Stacey: Ok, question from Marianne: Is A-Rod going to go traipsing all over Brian Matusz's mound, and if so, does he know we will cut a bitch?

Julia: I don't know how to answer that without sounding like kind of a bitch. I'm fairly certain that Arod is the douchiest of all the Yankees. But if Marianne tries to cut him, I hear he's got Cameron Diaz in his security detail now, so she should be careful.

Stacey: Good to know. I bet Cameron Diaz is scrappy.

Julia: She could probably take both Nicks.

Anthony: She does have all that Charlie's Angels training

Stacey Is Andy Pettitte ever going to start acting like he's old? WTF?

Julia: My grandfather hated Andy.  He was always yelling at us on the phone, "I TOLD JOE TO TAKE HIM OUT!  WHY DOESN"T HE LISTEN?!"

Stacey: Why did he hate him? He's been quite good.

Julia: Well this was many years ago.

Stacey: Well he was good years ago, right?

Julia: I think that actually his problem was with Joe Torre, who seemed to always leave pitchers in a little too long

Stacey: Ah. Sad that Andy had to bear the brunt.

Julia: Papa couldn't openly hate on Joe because he's Italian. Anyway, Andy is like a fine wine.  He gets better with age.

Stacey: Yes well I'm over him.

Julia: I'm still under him. You gotta come to that bar with the bartender who looks just like him with me sometime.

Anthony: Except that that bartender is attractive

Stacey: Andy Pettitte: But Attractive

Stacey: I don't think I have any more questions. Is there anything else you want to say to the Orioles fans?

Julia: Please beat the Red Sox.

Stacey: We'll do what we can, but we won't actually be playing them. We're just the fans.

Julia: Please bring baseball bats into the city and beat up the Red Sox fans.

Stacey: That we can do.

Julia: Also, I'm not an asshole.

Stacey You're declaring that you're not an asshole?

Julia: Are you disagreeing with me?

Anthony: I am. 60% of the time.

Julia: HAHAHAH. That's true

Stacey: OK well thanks for doing this. It might be my best work yet.

Julia: hahahahaha, happy to help. Are your internet friends going to hate us?

Stacey: If they do, then I'll hate them. Because y'all are my favorite.

Anthony: And they should know that we will also cut a bitch