PAC 12 Lucky Week 13: [drum roll] May I have the envelope, please...

Thank you!

The ambassador, btw, said he happened to be going thru NY in Oct. when the Tigers were in the playoffs at Yerkee Stadium— and he bought 2 games’ tickets on line no problem, just like that, one behind 3rd, one behind 1st.

Yeah, OK, they cost like $250 or sth, but I thought they’d be impossible to get except from scalpers— I musta been Fenway-hypmotized or sth.

They kinda look like futuristic-wannabe Roller Ball unis that didn’t make it into the actual movie or sth. OK, maybe that’s just me…

http://www.nesn.com/2011/11/stanford-will-wear-all-red-nike-pro-combat-uniforms-against-notre-dame.html

Colo @ Utah (-20 ½).What the hell, UT has been bldg momentum and the Flubbaloes could barely pick up the receiver to phone it in last wk. Take the Stormin’ Mormons to beat this spread (and before it goes up to 21, btw).

CO 17-14. [rumble-rumble-rumble…splah-yehh…whooosh: the sound of intense vomiting, with chunky-style results]. How foolish to bet against a bad team that’s lost 23 in a row on the road playing away against a conf-div title contender which has won 4 straight. This is a "Russia result": a riddle inside a mystery wrapped in an enigmatic burrito, or however that saying goes. Wanna hear the worst? UCLA now "wins" the PAC 12/S. Rumble-rumble-rumble…

Cal @ ASU (-6). The Scum Devils get serious again and cover this 6. The I-can’t-believe-we’re-a-bowl-team-Cal Bears are not really 3 pts worse than Snodfart, it’s more like 33; and about 13 worse than ASU in the desert, as Osweiler throws 350/4 or sth..

Cal 47-38. Um, yeah. This is the Cal team that recently got its lunch handed to it by…UCLA? OK, all right, they have improved, and Maynard has recently shown stunning signs of adequacy. But ASU should be on a collective Suicide Watch after this one: a team that beat Missouri, USC and played OR close into the 2nd half has now lost 4 straight, three of which were in the bag – and Erickson is now, c’mon, absolute toast. Kinda like me in Nov.! Will this f#cking mo. never end?!?

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OSU @ No. 9 Orygun (-28). Big spread for the Civil War. Too big, in fact: I don’t think OR will cover it. What’s the pt.? They’ll win, and they already know that. Mannion has nothing to lose although little to throw to b/c of injuries; still, Da Beavs can move the ball well enough to stay w/in spread range of a deflated flock o’ Ducks…unless they just quit during garbage time to let the scrubs play or sth.

OR 49-21. Played to form. Vegas smiles. Damn, couldn’t they just miss an XP once?

LA-Lafayette @ Zona (-13 ½): As one guy put it, "The Mildcats go SEC with the schedule." Yeah, there’ a grain o’ truth to that; but LA-LA is the proverbial good team from a crappy conf—and they’re going to a bowl for the 1st time since 1970. So they could put up 30 or sth (hey, they did @ Okie St). Air Foles will deliver the usual bombload, but the bombadier’s rib contusion from last wk will prolly limit his PT. I say LA-LA beats.

Zona 45-37. Played to form, as Foles does his final mad bomber thing (33-43/3/1). Well, we’ll be seeing him on Sundays, you have to assume.

Wazzoo @ U Dub (-6 ½): The slumping Dawgs may not actually need to be put to sleep if Price really is 100% again – and Polk does his thing. Loebbestael goes for the Coogs, who tend to play Apple Cup games above their level…but still won’t beat this 6.5, y’axe me, ‘cause Sarkisian is smarter than Wulff.

U Dub 38-21. Played to form. Yup, Price (21-29/291/3) and Polk (22/100/2TD) ARE > Lobbestael. And S > W, too. Hard to say about W staying on the Pelouse…

No. 22 Notre Dim @ No. 4 Snodfart (-6 ½). ND is faking it as a ranked team; STA is marginally overrated but several magnitudes better and will cover this. By how much depends on whether they get several people back (i.e. Ertz, Toilolo), so they aren’t’ running a 3-TE OFF w/ 1 TE any more. A rushing revival would help too, but Luck is Luck regardless.

STA 28-14. A good first half by Luck (3×6), Taylor & Co. to put this to bed, though overall they didn’t look that as imposing as they should’ve against a middling ("ranked"!) team.

UCLA @ No. 10 SC (-14). A no-suspenser since the Utes shat their pants [see above], but the Rubbers remain motivated: it’s their "bowl game," it’s the Coliseum, it’s city bragging rights, it’s Barkley’s delusional Heisman Sawn Song, yatta-yatta-yatta. So yeah, the Rubbers cover this 14, leaving Neuheisel to find it v. difficult to write a PAC 12-S-winner’s acceptance speech that doesn’t sound embarrassed, ridiculous or both.

$C 50-0. Nipped ‘em at the buzzer. Well, 6×6 is a nice way to go out for Barkley, but then UCLA sucks. OK, who’s up for the PAC 12 Champ Game – UCLA @ OR? Ahahahaha. Neuheisel won’t be the 1st coach to win a conf/div and get fired.

Regional Pick o’ the Wick: Tulane @ Hawaii (-16 ½). The Rainbow Warriors shoulda won last wk even w/o Moniz; and while they will win this wk – look, TL is 2-10, 9 straight L’s, no coach – the question is whether Graves can do it by 17 or so. I think he can: kid can throw, and run too, looks like.

HA 35-23. Up 14, piss-ant coach pulls Graves in the 2nd half (sth personal?) and the ‘Bows don’t cover. Shee-it.

These aren’t chiseled in stone, of course, but it’s clear in any case that the conf is gonna have its work cut out for it, starting w/ Snodfart vs Okie State (which is no Va Tech). And if you think I’m gonna pick UCLA to beat a spread against anybody— well, OK, let’s see what the spread is, but you know what I mean…

Anyway, hold your water and watch this space.

http://collegefootball.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=1300258