It's the day after the Orioles were swept at home, the team is looking pretty awful, and frankly I'm kind of cranky about it. So instead of rehashing another loss and wailing again over Brian Matusz, I decided a more fun use of my time would be to look stuff up on eBay. Back in my younger days, meaning high school and college, I used to go on eBay binges. It's happened every now and again since then (what? I NEEDED the complete set of Sweet Valley High books!), but not nearly as often as it used to. My two main things to search on were the Baltimore Orioles and Angelina Jolie. I loved Angelina back in the day, and in the late 1990s/early 2000s, Jolie fans were kinda nuts. They made all kinds of crap and sold it on eBay. I bought a purse made out of an Angelina Rolling Stone, a bracelet with her face on it, I don't even know what else. As for the Orioles, I liked to buy pins (you know those old ladies at baseball games in bucket hats covered in pins? That's gonna be me), photos, and t-shirts mostly.
So if you do a search for Baltimore Orioles on eBay today, what do you find?
The most expensive Orioles related item listed is 1954 Esskay Meats Baltimore Orioles NEAR FULL Set RARE! with a Buy It Now price of $75,000. What the heck? You want me to pay seventy-five grand for a set of baseball cards that isn't even complete?? My favorite line from the description is, "INSANELY TOUGH to complete this very RARE Regional Baltimore Meats issue."
Are you looking to lose a few pounds? Want to know Jim Palmer's secret to staying so svelte? For an opening bid of just $6.99, you could be the owner of Jim Palmer's Way to Fitness. The seller says this would be a great item to have Palmer autograph, and I have to agree. I'd love to see his face (not to mention Gary Thorne's) if you presented him with this:
If you love the Orioles and also hate your neighbors, the Baltimore Orioles MLB Embroidered 8.5' Tall Team Flag or the Orioles Garden Gnome might be for you.
And finally, if you want to proudly proclaim your Orioles fandom on a part of your body close to your crotch, $11.95 is the starting bid on the Orioles Belt Buckle, or you can bid just $9.95 for some Orioles boxer shorts (also helpful for getting that special lady in the mood).