From the northeast, the wave of putrescent filth descends upon the city of St. Louis. The tide of douchiness rises up on its shores and the question is whether the banks of Busch Stadium can contain such trash without suffering an overflow. This is the dilemma for the Cardinals, the standard-bearers of the anti-Red Sox movement, to solve tonight.
They will be helped, perhaps, by the likely-statuesque presence of David Ortiz at first base on the diamond. Should a player be penalized in their quest for baseball greatness by being solely a designated hitter? No, of course not, and one need look no farther than the career of Edgar Martinez to see why. Ortiz can be penalized because to hell with Boston. Seriously, screw those guys. Anyway, let's not get too carried away.
Or better yet, let's go ahead and get carried away, and hope that the Red Sox are blown out in three straight games in St. Louis as they are sent to inglorious defeat. May the failure be repeated and embarrassing, with every single player other than Koji Uehara suffering some kind of legendary meltdown or another. May they get no-hit or perfect-gamed. May they go down in the annals of baseball as turning in one of the worst performances in a World Series that was ever turned in.
And most importantly, may they be awarded no points, and God have mercy on their souls.
|ST. LOUIS CARDINALS||BOSTON RED SOX|
|Matt Carpenter (L) - 2B||Jacoby Ellsbury (L) - CF|
|Carlos Beltran (S) - RF||Shane Victorino (S) - RF|
|Matt Holliday (R) - LF||Dustin Pedroia (R) - 2B|
|Matt Adams (L) - 1B||David Ortiz (L) - 1B|
|Yadier Molina (R) - C||Daniel Nava (S) - LF|
|David Freese (R) - 3B||Xander Bogaerts (R) - 3B|
|Jon Jay (L) - CF||Jarrod Saltalamacchia (S) - C|
|Pete Kozma (R) - SS||Stephen Drew (L) - SS|
|Joe Kelly (R) - P||Jake Peavy (R) - P|