Nobody's hitting much, and nobody's hitting for any power. Costanzo's K-rate is absolutely terrible. Torres came up because he hit a bunch of singles -- and also because Hernandez and Fahey are just as bad, and also because there are still maybe some problems in valuing talents within the system. There's really no reason for a veteran like Cintron to be farting around in AAA when he would be the best option for the O's at short. Moore has been horrendous since his demotion, and now he's not even getting the reps at short, with Cintron playing. So why is he down there while Fahey and Hernandez and Torres are all wasting time in Baltimore? Luis Terrero continues to be a fine minor league player, leading the Tides in OPS.

Olson has been a shining star, and the peripherals for Liz and Penn are encouraging, particularly Liz's. Leicester taking starts is a little weird, since he doesn't even average four innings per. McCrory and Cormier have anchored the bullpen, but McCrory still has his problems. If Cormier or even Alberto Castillo keep pitching well, they could wind up contributing this season when the inevitable injuries hit the 'pen. Or if not contributing, at least lending more hope than dead veterans Yan and Bukvich do.

The New York Yankees just aren't very good.

I know this happens every April, the Yankees start slow and get warm with the weather, but I like to take the time to gloat while I can. Plus, it's getting to be a routine with the O's playing New York fairly tough, after years of rolling over for them like trained cocker spaniels.

With the O's up 4-0 in the sixth, Diamond Dave decided to go to the 'pen and get Burres out of there. I thought this was a wise, wise decision. Burres is a 5-6 inning starting pitcher. With five hits and four walks against him, we were already kind of testing fate with Brian. Plus Morgan Ensberg was coming up, and Morg is a lefty basher. In comes Jim Johnson, who finishes the final three and a third with one hit allowed and nothing more, and we go home winners on a 6-0 score.

My favorite part of the game watching the YES broadcast was one of the following:

1. Millar comes up in the third, Ken Singleton offers to give us the Ricoh scouting report on Kevbo. He gets one part of it, then the pitch from Ian Kennedy is coming. "We'll get to it after this pitch," says Singleton. Whack! Dong Millar. Get to it next time, maybe.
2. Promotional spots for tomorrow's game: "The Melk Man looks to deliver against Aubrey Huff (?) and the high-flying Orioles!" This is either a rib by someone at YES or a clear misunderstanding of Aubrey Huff's importance to the Birds. Maybe the YES staff hasn't heard of Nick Markakis. After all, he's not in Boston or New York, and he's not Ichiro. To his credit, Huff delivered a two-RBI double to push our lead to six. But really? Aubrey Huff? Not Markakis? Not Yankee Killer Brian Roberts? Not arch nemesis Kevin Millar?
3. Brandon Fahey got two hits. I will maintain to my dying day that he has no business in the majors, but it's not like I don't root for the dude. One of his hits was an RBI double past Posada (who started at first base since Giambi's hitting about a buck.)

Here's a very scientific graph from user Y Not:

I believe that explains the game pretty well.

Adam Loewen gave up a hit to Swisher, walked Orlando Cabrera, and then Thome hit a three-run jack to start the game, and that was all the White Sox needed, since we predictably made Jose Contreras look like Roy Halladay.

Loewen did OK after the first three batters -- well, OK for Loewen. He walked five and struck out three, and threw 109 pitches in six innings, but hey. Six innings! A Christmas miracle! He still stunk, fundamentally.

Jim Johnson would be preferable to Greg Aquino, if you ask me.

Once a year or so, it's good to update these. Players come and players go, much like the asinine nicknames that generally spring out of the game threads. So here's a quick primer for anyone who's new and might not know what in God's name we're talking about during certain points of a game.

Albers, Matt

• Fat Albers

This is not in any way intended to be mean. Honest. I know the dude's a little pudgy, maybe still carrying some baby fat, or maybe he's just like most of the rest of us and likes to reward himself for a fine day's work of breathing air and being a cool dude by wolfing down a Baconator or six. I'm not here to judge Matt Albers. It's just something that happened in my head and then I put it on a blog. Hey, hey, hey!

You gotta do it right though. Listen for yourself, if you're unfamiliar. It starts loud, so be prepared. That site is long faded as far as being funny goes, but whatever. RAN-DOOOOOR!

Bradford, Chad

• ChadBrad
• Chadwick
• Chadstache

Ain't found a way to kill me yet

Eyes burn with stingin' sweat

Seems every path leads me to nowhere

Wife and kids, household pet

Army green was no safe bet

The bullets scream to me from somewhere

Yeah, they come to snuff The Rooster

Yeah, here come The Rooster

You know he ain't gonna die

Walkin' tall, machine gun man

They spit on me in my homeland

Mora, Melvin 

• MelMo
• Melly Mel
• Melvin Moron
• Playoff Hero Melvin Mora

Did Babe Ruth ever slap at someone's glove while they tried to tag him? Did Mickey Mantle? Did Hank Aaron? Did Cal Ripken? Did Dane Iorg? Did Kiko Garcia? Seriously. He's a player to admire, but a total weiner.

That's why I prefer "Brian Bob."

Sarfate, Dennis

• Dennis the Menace

via d.yimg.com

Matt Albers got the job done in a spot start and George Sherrill picked up a shaky sixth save on the season as the Birds remained in first place with a 4-3 win over Toronto.

The O's are now 6-1 at Camden Yards this season, quite a turnaround from last year's dismal 35-46 home record. Trembley went bullpen crazy as usual, giving Jim Johnson two and a third before calling in Jamie Walker and Chad Bradford to get one out apiece. With a 4-1 lead, Sherrill came in to pitch the ninth and allowed a two-run, pinch-hit home run to Alex Rios, but he survived the brush with crap and got us out of there with one more in the win column.

Pretty good game at the plate, too. Kevin Millar was 2-for-4 with a homer and three RBIs, and Brian Roberts, Melvin Mora and Luke Scott all had two hits apiece. Adam Jones was 3-for-3 with a walk, and looked really good at the plate, even though his first hit was sort of an off-balance hack at a breaking ball. After that, he appeared to be dialed in. And this after Dave Trembley went around telling everyone he could find that he really thought about pulling the struggling Jones today.

I still wonder what purpose that serves. Is it motivation? Doesn't it seem like that would make the kid press even harder? And if he had pulled him, then why is he on the team anyway? He's here to learn on the Major League level.

The other O's RBI came from a Ramon Hernandez sac fly. He was 0-for-3 to push his average down to a sparkling .179.

With 13 hits, the O's should have scored more runs, which is a pretty familiar feeling. They grounded into three double plays and made two outs at the plate. The first was Luis Hernandez hesitating to run anywhere on a Nick Markakis chopper where he absolutely should have scored or at least not run at all, but them's the breaks. The second came in the eighth, when Juan Samuel sent Jay Payton on a medium-depth fly ball to left field with one out and Brian Roberts coming up with two men in scoring position.

Let's think about this. Payton runs fine, but he's not fast. Shannon Stewart can't throw, but he wasn't throwing very far. There is another out to go and the insurance run(s) would certainly help. So Samuel sends him?

You're on notice, Juan. You're Trebelhorn II.

But a win is a win is a win. I'm also worried about the fact that in eight wins, Sherrill has six saves. We're not exactly whomping on the competition, and close games can turn against you very fast. But a win is a win is a win. This is Birdland.

I left at 5-5. What the hell happened!

Oh. The bullpen shat out. Because the starters can't go deep and Trembley's bullpen management is, shall we say, risque.

James/Jim Johnson is up and Scott Moore goes down. I get it, I guess. Fine. A thirteenth pitcher seems stupid for a spot start, but hey. Hey! Wait! BRANDON FAHEY is still on the team? Mother of God.

This is probably Birdland, guys. I still like this team. They have balls.

There went Baltimo'. Go, go, Godzilla!

We are now on the schneid. Minor league recap in the morning. Too many Old Styles and karaoke, and I need to sleep.

Glad blood-spittin', arm-flailin' Al Reyes could get out of the clink in time to help the Rays.

Rochester 4, Norfolk 1

Our old Triple-A affiliate shut down our newest Triple-A affiliate, as the Red Wings got two hits apiece from Garrett Jones, Randy Ruiz and Brian Buscher and five and two-thirds shutout innings from starter Kevin Mulvey en route to victory. Former Oriole Jon Knott went 0-for-3 with a walk and two strikeouts for Rochester.

Jim Johnson went four innings to take the loss, allowing one earned on two hits with a walk and two strikeouts. Relievers Craig Anderson (2 2/3, 3 H, 2 ER, 4 K) and Lance Cormier (2 1/3, 4 H, 1 ER, BB, 3 K) were both hit pretty hard. The Tides didn't get on the board until it was 3-0 Rochester, when nine-hitter Mike McCoy drove in catcher Chris Heintz. The Tides are now 2-3.

Reading 6, Bowie 3 (10 innings)

The Baysox extended their season-starting winless streak to five games with a 6-3 loss to Reading, giving up three runs in the top of the tenth inning after having rallied to tie it in the bottom of the seventh.

Veteran catcher Ben Davis went 2-for-5, but the runs came from the bottom of the order. Eight-hitter Jonathan Tucker was 1-for-3 with a walk and two runs scored, and Kennard Jones in the nine spot scored the other Bowie run on a 1-for-3 day. Jones also had an RBI, and the other two steaks came from Mike Rodriguez (hitting .381) and Blake Davis at the top of the lineup. Nolan Reimold was 1-for-5 with two whiffs.

On the mound, Chris Tillman made his first Junior Oriole start, and he struggled. Tillman was yanked after two innings work, allowing two earned on four hits with three walks and three strikeouts. Jim Miller threw three innings of relief, and Kam Mickolio and Rommie Lewis, Jr., threw two each. Old Man Manon was the goat in the tenth, giving up the three runs on two hits and a walk.

Frederick and Delmarva both had the day off.

Photos courtesy Norfolk Tides

The AAA Tides kick off their season tonight with a game at home against Buffalo, so let's take a quick look at our boys in Norfolk.

The rotation should be a strong point, with (from left to right) Radhames Liz, Garrett Olson, Hayden Penn, Jon Leicester and James/Jim Johnson. All of them are at the point in their careers where they're available to be called up -- for some, that's good news, but for Leicester in particular, not so much.

I do root for Jon Leicester, who was once a high-ceiling prospect in the Cubs organization during the Wellemeyer/Mitre period, but he's never delivered on that ceiling. He went 0-11 with a 6.78 season in his last season with the University of Memphis, but was drafted in the 11th round of the 2000 draft just because he had really good stuff. Through the minor leagues, Leicester never once had a dominant season, though he fairly frequently had flashes of true potential. He smoked the International League last year while in Norfolk (3-3, 2.22/1.08, 65 IP), but struggled as usual once in the big leagues, posting a 7.59 ERA in 32 innings.

He was in the running for the fifth spot in the rotation this spring, but finished a distant third to Brian Burres and Matt Albers. It was to be expected. As far as the Norfolk rotation goes, Leicester is the one who probably, if you want to be honest about it, tops out at the level he's at. He's 29 now; if he was going to make a major league impact, he probably would have done it by now, though he might have a nice relief season or three in his arm.

Jim Johnson had a 4.07/1.43 ERA/WHIP at Norfolk last season, which was a big, big disappointment. As Baseball Prospectus put it, he's "the same pitcher he was three years ago; that made him one of the better pitchers in A-ball in 2005, but he was supposed to build on that, not stall." Johnson turns 25 in June. He'll need an impressive season.

Liz, Olson and Penn have already been discussed here recently. They should be a really strong front three for the Tides.

The Norfolk 'pen is filled with emergency call-up guys like Esteban Yan, Lance Cormier and Roberto Novoa. There's really nothing special there, except perhaps, maybe, for Bob McCrory.

As far as the position players go...well, that's a different story.

Only Mike Costanzo (pictured) is likely to really make any impact on the major league club. This is a pitching-heavy, hitting-light system, and Norfolk is your run-of-the-mill Triple-A team filled with minor league veterans and major league flameouts.

Among the flameouts is Tike Redman, a 31-year old ex-Pirates prospect who had numerous chances in Pittsburgh to win a major league job and never did so. After being out of the majors in 2006, Redman found himself in the independent boondocks last year before the O's signed him and assigned him to the Tides. At Norfolk, Redman hit .304/.372/.416 in 336 plate appearances, which is nothing special for a 30-year old outfielder who's had plenty of Triple-A experience, but it got him a trip to Baltimore for 139 PAs, where he hit an inspiring .318/.341/.462 and stole seven bases in eight attempts. He's not someone you should expect anything from (.253/.287/.327 at AAA Toledo in 2006, for instance), but good luck to him.

He'll be sharing the outfield most nights, I'd guess, with the returning Luis Terrero and Sebastien Boucher. Terrero, 28, hit .318/.367/.560 for Ottawa in 2006, but struggled between the White Sox and Charlotte last year. He's back in the O's system as a Triple-A filler.

I figure Boucher will get more PT than Adam Stern and Chris Roberson, but I could be wrong. And it also doesn't really matter. Stern's career highlight will forever be that inside the park home run against the United States in the World Baseball Classic, and Roberson can't play. Boucher has some wheels, like the other two, but is slightly younger. We got him in the John Parrish deal last year. None of them are going to be major league contributors, though Boucher has some nice on-base skills (.372 OBP in his minor league career).

The infield's best player, past Costanzo, is recent free agent pickup Alex Cintron, who is almost certainly going to be in Baltimore as soon as possible. Cintron is nothing special at all, but he beats the hell out of Luis Hernandez and Brandon Fahey, which is more unfortunate than anything. The O's probably want Hernandez to be able to play, but once he's past proving that he can't, Cintron will take his job. And Fahey is only there because the Cubs signed and released Cintron before the season started. If Alex had signed with the Orioles to begin with, he'd be in Baltimore right now.

33-year old Chris Heintz and Omir Santos will handle the catching duties. Heintz has been plugging away in the sticks since '96, when the White Sox drafted him. To put that into perspective, that was the second-to-last year the Orioles made the playoffs. The only way either of these guys sees major league time this year will be if Ramon or Quiroz live up to their reps and get hurt.

AAA is generally not the most exciting or interesting level of a minor league system, and that's true here, as well. It's a holding zone for fringe major leaguers in most cases. But 3/5 of this rotation could have beaten out Brian Burres this spring and I'd have been OK with that. That's something to pay attention to.