Hey, sue me, I'm really bored.

If this doesn't give you an idea of what we're looking at this weekend, nothing will. Waters-Richmond is a perfect end of the season, both teams done playing matchup.

I can't be the only one that hopes this is the last time we see Bass, can I? It speaks volumes of the state we're in where we take a bad Twins reliever and make him an Oriole starter.

I still hate you, John Parrish.

Yeah, that's right. Our awesome stat provider is giving me Jeremy Guthrie's batting numbers. And apparently in 5 at-bats, he has 170 hits, 57 walks and 119 strikeouts. It's truly amazing. Guts will be on an unspecified pitch count.

I was trying to imagine Litsch with a beard, since I think he needs to look less like a 13-year old. Maybe some Danny Trejo-style facial weathering would be better.

I said after his major league debut that Chris Waters would probably never pitch another game so good. He was doing a great job proving me right until tonight, when he threw a four-hit shutout of the Blue Jays.

It was the first (and likely only) complete game shutout for an O's pitcher in 2008.

Now he's talking and I can barely understand a word he's saying. He's sort of Boomhauer-ish.

Way to go, Chris.

The Orioles are 63-70 on this off day, 18 games out of first place. In the last ten, they're the only AL East squad with a losing record, going 3-7. The rest of the division has won six of the last ten.

The Orioles are 50-45 in night games this season, and just 13-25 in day games. Good thing we don't have a Cubs schedule.

The Orioles are 20-23 in one-run games, a massive improvement on the 13-31 mark from 2007, which was by far the worst in Major League Baseball.

Jeremy Guthrie is tied for sixth in the American League in ERA (3.28). The top ten, with W-L records thrown in, looks like this:

Cliff Lee, CLE (2.43, 19-2) ... Justin Duchscherer, OAK (2.54, 10-8) ... Roy Halladay, TOR (2.69, 16-9) ... John Lackey, LAA (2.95, 11-2) ... Armando Galarraga, DET (3.20, 12-4) ... Guthrie, BAL (3.28, 10-10) ... Felix Hernandez, SEA (3.28, 8-8) ... John Danks, CWS (3.30, 10-7) ... Ervin Santana, LAA (3.41, 13-5) ... Mike Mussina, NYY (3.45, 16-7)

Looking over those records and ERAs, I think you have to really be somewhat in awe of how good Cliff Lee has been. Halladay has thrown more innings, but Lee has been so dominant that he's managed to go 19-2 on a team that is two games under .500. He's credited for nearly one-third of their wins.

The O's have scored 5.13 runs per game, good for fourth in the American League behind Texas (5.54), Boston (5.21) and Chicago (5.17). At Camden Yards, the Birds score 5.31 runs per game, and on the road, 4.96. Last year, the team scored 4.67 runs per game, ninth in the AL.

The O's have allowed 5.14 runs per game, which is second-worst in the American League, ahead of only the deplorable Rangers (a staggering 5.99). The O's team ERA is 4.88. Last year, the Birds allowed 5.36 RPG with a 5.17 ERA, so it is an improvement. Not much one of, but an improvement.

In these respects, I think the "improvement" of this year's team is to some degree a smoke-and-mirrors act. The pitching is still God awful and that desperately needs to be rectified. No matter how many runs you score, it's tough to win when you routinely give up just as many. We know this, right? Pitching has to be considered priority No. 1 as far as any potential offseason moves go. Guthrie can't do this all by himself.

Frankly, this year's O's squad -- the competitive! team -- has had one of the worst starting rotations we've seen yet. Outside of Guthrie, they are all terrible. Look at these numbers:

And yes, this means that Daniel Cabrera still sucks, and that he's just as bad as he was last season. This "useful back-end starter" thing is not really very true. He's really, really bad.

This one truly warms my heart: Nick Markakis is fourth in the American League in on-base percentage at .403. He trails Milton Bradley (.446), Joe Mauer (.410) and J.D. Drew (.408). Markakis is fourth in the league in walks (84).

Aubrey Huff is sixth in the American League in slugging percentage (.566), fifth in OPS (.932), third in doubles (40), first in total bases (286), tied for fourth in home runs (29), sixth in RBI (94), fifth in adjusted OPS+ (143), third in runs created (107), fifth in adjusted batting runs (31), fifth in batting wins (2.9), first in extra-base hits (71), seventh in offensive win percentage (.701), and has a VORP of 53.9, by far the best on the team.

In other words, Aubrey Huff is the balls.

Brian Roberts leads the league in doubles (46), is third in triples (8), tied for tenth in walks (68), fifth in stolen bases (33), and third in times on base (226).

You know who's first in times on base? Markakis, with 240.

Melvin Mora has 97 RBI, and is having his best season since 2004, which is almost entirely thanks to a hot July and an unimaginably scorching August. Let's not forget the Melvin Mora of the first half, though. He hit .232/.300/.385. He was freaking awful. Awful, awful, awful, terrible, bad. He was so bad that they should have given up on the old fart and tried strugglin' Mike Costanzo or Scott Moore or my cat or anyone. He was hideous.

But in July he hit .311/.373/.533 with five homers, and this month he's been postively Herculean, going ape bananas at .427/.463/.781 with eight home runs.

More on Melvin: in seven games against the Tigers, Mora has hit .571/.618/1.393 with six home runs and 17 RBI. In 12 games against the Red Sox, Melvin has decided to take a nap to the tune of .111/.222/.200 with two extra-base hits (a homer and a double).

Folks that say Jay Payton has done a super duper job this season live on a different planet than I do. I respect his capability to fill in in center field with AJ out and I haven't once been truly annoyed by the dude this year as I was last year, but he's getting a lot of compliments like he's been some sort of genuine positive to the team. There are a lot of fourth/fifth outfielders that could hit .256/.300/.363. He's just as bad as he was last year, but there's been a lot less of him.

I said around the All-Star break that I thought Ramon Hernandez would bounce back in the second half because he'd been incredibly unlucky in the first half. This was no grand statement or amazing guesstimate, but he's done pretty well, hitting .288/.344/.492 since the break. I'd take those numbers out of a catcher any day. Of course I'd also prefer one that wasn't as lazy as he is behind the plate. He has also regressed back to stinking in August (.253/.292/.361).

Left-handed batters are hitting .324 with seven homers against Jamie Walker. Ummm, not cool, bro. I still love Jamie Jam Walker, but he's had a terrible season.

Since coming to the Orioles, Juan Castro has hit .214/.248/.276. He's 36 years old. He's never been any good at all. And this is the guy that wins shortstop for the season. Unbelievable.

Luke Scott has been our version of Trot Nixon, and will probably have roughly the same shelf life. He really needs a lefty-mashing platoon partner (.762 OPS v. LHP is not horrible, though). In this regard, I'll give Payton a little credit: he has bopped lefties at a .551 slugging clip. All six of his homers have come against left-handed pitchers.

Lou Montanez has been fun to watch. No numbers.

This really should be the last season for Kevin Millar as an Oriole. I say that with respect for the guy, too. It's just that his OPS has dropped every season as an Oriole -- .811 in 2006, .785 in 2007, .755 this season. He's already pretty well below standard for a first baseman, and pushing him any further as a starter would probably be a really bad idea. He does get credit for making the team fun again, and giving them some much-needed personality. And he hasn't killed us as a player or anything. But any further down the ladder, and he will. He's not getting younger.

Before I really start here, I gotta tell ya: Y'all are hiiiiiigh.

Actually, that's pretty much my whole point. You all being high.

Y'all that are theorizin' and speculatin' on the future of Chris Waters in the Baltimore Orioles rotation are hiiiiiiigh.

Y'all that read anything into Lou Montanez hitting a home run in his first major league at-bat are hiiiiiigh.

Chris Waters is 28 years old and just reached the major leagues. He has a career 4.09 ERA in the minors. Chris Waters is not Jeremy Guthrie. There's really no comparison. No one has ever thought Waters was as good as they thought Guthrie was. Waters isn't a stalled prospect that is rising like a phoenix; he's a scrap heap minor league veteran arm. He's only up because Hayden Penn got hit with a damn baseball bat the other day. That's how much the Orioles brass REALLY thought of him -- Hayden Penn and his near-5 ERA at Norfolk were the first choice, not Waters, and I don't want to hear about how highly recommended Waters came from the minor league staff. If the minor league staff is highly recommending someone with Waters' resume, we're boned.

I'm not trying to hate on the dude's success. He had a fabulous game. I wish they would have kept him in for the ninth. There's a very real chance that he won't ever throw that kind of game again.

Montanez is getting spun as a positive because he hit some home runs at Bowie this year. He should have, considering how old he is for the level and the fact that the Cubs once took him third overall in the draft. He is a total and complete flameout of a former prospect. Here's his MLB.com biography:

Graduated from Coral Park HS in Miami in 2000...The Chicago Cubs selected him in the first round of the 2000 First Year Player Draft with the 3rd overall pick...Was signed by Cubs scout Mike Soper...Luis's father, also named Luis Montanez, played professionally in Puerto Rico.

Woo! Mike Soper! 2000 draft! High school! Dad!

They have pretty much highlighted his career achievements.

I'm not, like, disgusted or anything. God love 'em if they both shock the world and turn into real contributors on the major league level. But these aren't prospects that delivered in their first games. These are ... bums. I don't want to be mean, really, but they're bums. They're guys that wound up in our system because other teams didn't want them, they've never progressed the way they should have/were expected to, and they are really just minor league filler.

I couldn't get excited about David Newhan, either. I couldn't get excited about Tike Redman. Travis Driskill is springing to mind. That's the same type of player we're talking about.

And doesn't it strike you odd that these things happened on back-to-back days? Doesn't that just make you think, "Waters was awesome, but now freaking Lou Montanez is hitting a home run in his first major league at-bat. This is a rib, right?"

Luis Hernandez hit .290 last year.

In almost every single case in the history of the organized, civilized world, results at the major league level can be seen coming from the minor league level, and not just when the guys are beating up on players they're simply more advanced than, either. Waters and/or Montanez succeeding in the majors would be a miracle.

I'm rooting for them. I really am. But I'm going to avoid the hysteria about it all, because we're looking less at this:

than we are at this:

via d.yimg.com

8 innings, 1 hit allowed, 0 runs, 3 strikeouts, 3 walks

Enough said.

Jeff Nettles is slugging the ball pretty well right now. Let's be honest about why someone who's 29 years old and spent five years outside of real baseball is playing on anyone's Double-A team. First off, he's Graig Nettles' son. Which also makes him Jim Nettles' nephew! And he's an in-law of Mike Sweeney, since Jim's daughter married Sweeney. He's not a good player. He's just not. He never has been. He was in indy league baseball for about five years before the Royals picked him up to play at Wichita (AA) last season. The O's grabbed him because they have no hitting prospects. He was once a 53rd round pick of the Blue Jays, but went pro when taken in the 47th round for the big money by the Yankees, who were probably just doing Graig a solid. Not a nice bunch of stuff to say, I don't suppose, but it's not my job to make excuses for why Jeff Nettles is the starting third baseman for the Bowie Baysox.

Luis Montanez is 26 and a massive flameout with whom you may already be familiar if you're a Cubs fan. He was taken third overall in the 2000 draft and never did anything. He never even had an encouraging season, really. I mean, I suppose you could say him tearing up the Midwest League was pretty neat, if you don't take into account that he was 23 by then and was expected to already be in the majors. It's been a tough career for him. Sometimes, I wonder what it is that makes a guy like Montanez or Nettles keep soldiering on. Love of the game is one thing, but jeez. It reminds me of the line from Rudy, when one of the assistant coaches bluntly addresses the walk -on hopefuls: "Now, if any of you has any dreams of one day running out of that tunnel with your gold helmet shining in the sun, you'd best leave them right here."

Reimold is starting to hit a little, thank the heavens. He remains our second-best position prospect. Expect nothing from the rest of these guys. Like the Tides, the Baysox are struggling with hitting, although it's nice to see Jonathan Tucker getting on base the way he is. I like him for no particular reason. Just do.

Tillman is still a diaper dandy, more or less, so his control issues are (1) not a big deal and (2) pretty much totally expected. Spoone's are a little more troubling.

But the other three rotation regulars have been chewing up the Eastern League. Waters should be -- he's 27 years old. Berken's 25 and is sort of at "now or never" himself. Hernandez was regarded by Sickels and Baseball Prospectus as a sleeper dude, so him I'm actually getting a little excited about, despite the iffy WHIP. I mean look at that K-rate -- 13.32 K/9. That's nasty. Even if he never masters a whole repertoire, that kind of power arm could make him millions as a reliever.

But if it's ratios you want to focus on, jeez, take a gander at Berken's absurd K-to-BB. 15-to-1? The Baysox bullpen deserves just as much flak for the team's struggles as the flaccid lineup does, too. Mickolio, Miller and Romero are doing fine, but the rest of them are gasoline men.

Pretty good fight last night. The right guy won. And it wasn't as close as some people might lead you to believe.

And hey, Danica Patrick actually won a race. The Orioles win two over the Yankees, and all of a sudden a marketing tool is winning IRL events and Welshmen are beating American legends on U.S. soil.

But let's get down to the nitty.

Durham 2, Norfolk 0

Nuke LaLoosh threw a shutout and Crash Davis had two solo homers as the Bulls won a close one at Norfolk.

Garrett Olson pitched really well for the Tides, and is anyone else checkin' their watches and wondering when the clock strikes 12 for Steve Trachsel? We're bumbling around with Adam Loewen and Brian Burres when there's a lefty at Norfolk that I'd rather see than either of them. Olson went seven innings (90 pitches, 62 strikes), allowing seven hits and two runs, one earned. He struck out seven and walked nobody. His season ERA is 1.61. He's got a 24-to-7 K-to-BB ratio in 22.1 innings. Bueller?

Tike Redman had a couple of hits and a walk to nudge his average up to a healthy .212, and Scott Moore actually got a hit, going 1-for-4. Mike Costanzo struck out thrice.

Bowie 5, Akron 3

Nolan Reimold, how'd your day go? 1-for-3 with a walk, a run scored, and no strikeouts? You're hitting .180 now?! I like the sound of this, champ!

Ryan Finan homered for the Baysox, a two-run shot in the sixth inning. On the mound, lefty Chris Waters lowered his season ERA to 0.87 with seven innings of work (four hits, one earned run). Of course, he's 27 years old, so one would hope he could smoke AA.

Winston-Salem 3, Frederick 2

Wieters Watch! He went 2-for-4. Wieters is hitting .415/.519/.732 with four homers. Less encouraging, Brandon Snyder is hitting .226/.276/.264 with no homers. And even less encouraging, Billy Rowell still isn't back in the lineup.

Jake Arrieta did his job for the Keys, going 7.2 IP, striking out eight and walking four, allowing two runs (one earned). The game was lost by Ryan Burch. Arrieta is sporting a 2.75 ERA through four starts.

Lakewood 9, Delmarva 2

Tyler Henson and Matthew Tucker had two hits apiece, and Anthony Martinez went 3-for-4, but the Shorebirds were blown out nonetheless.

My new favorite player, Cole McCurry, had a rocky start, going four innings and being smacked around for four runs on eight hits. He struck out five, though, and walked just one. 

Indianapolis 3, Norfolk 2

Garrett Olson had another fine start, going 5 1/3 with six strikeouts and one walk, allowing two runs on five hits. Andy Mitchell gave up a run in the seventh, and it turned out to be the deciding score in the game.

Eider Torres was 3-for-4 with two RBIs, Adam Stern had two hits. Chris Roberson and Sebastien Boucher both walked two times.

Bowie 10, Erie 3

Wham! The Baysox bats have come alive. Bowie was up 1-0 entering the sixth, then scored twice that inning, three runs in the eighth, and then four more in the ninth. Erie didn't get on the board until the bottom of the ninth.

Outfielder Luis Montanez was 3-for-4 with two homers and three RBIs, and Jeff Nettles also went yard. Mike Rodriguez, Ben Davis, Jonathan Tucker and Blake Davis all had two hits. The Baysox had 13 hits on the night as a team.

And despite all that, Nolan Reimold remained ice cold, going 0-for-5 with a strikeout. He's now hitting .143. Not a good start to the year.

All three Seawolves runs were given up Ryan Keefer. Chris Waters got the win with 5 2/3 shutout innings in the start.

Frederick 5, Salem 4

Wieters Watch! He got the day off.

Chris Amador was 3-for-4 and Daniel Figueroa was 2-for-3 with two runs scored. Jake Arrieta went 5 2/3 and struck out seven, walking three and allowing one unearned run on two hits. Wilfredo Perez allowed three runs in 2 1/3 innings of relief, making the game a lot tighter than it needed to be. Hey, it happens.

Delmarva 7, Hagerstown 6

Four runs in the bottom of the ninth gave the Shorebirds this big-time come-from-behind win. Here's the recap from MiLB.com:

Pitcher Change: Clint Everts replaces Kyle Gunderson.

Joseph Mahoney singles on a line drive to left fielder Aaron Seuss.

Tyler Henson singles on a line drive to center fielder Stephen Englund. Joseph Mahoney to 2nd.

With Matthew Tucker batting, wild pitch by Clint Everts, Joseph Mahoney to 3rd. Tyler Henson to 2nd.

Matthew Tucker walks.

Kieron Pope reaches on force attempt, throwing error by third baseman Steven Souza. Joseph Mahoney scores. Tyler Henson to 3rd. Matthew Tucker to 2nd.

Wally Crancer pops out to third baseman Steven Souza in foul territory.

Pedro Florimon Jr. singles on a fly ball to center fielder Stephen Englund. Tyler Henson scores. Matthew Tucker scores. Kieron Pope to 2nd.

Matthew Angle doubles (1) on a line drive to right fielder Michael Burgess. Kieron Pope scores. Pedro Florimon Jr. to 3rd.

Norfolk 6, Rochester 5

The Tides faced recovering stud lefty Francisco Liriano in his second rehab start of the season, touching him up for three earned on five hits over four innings. Liriano struck out three and walked three. He'll be up with Minnesota again soon. These things aren't so much about the results as the arm strength and things of that nature.

Veteran Casey Daigle took the loss for the Red Wings. Hayden Penn got the win for Norfolk, going 5 2/3 and allowing four earned on eight scattered hits, with three strikeouts and a walk. Much better than his first disastrous start of the season. Bob McCrory got his second save, and Esteban Yan and Ryan Bukvich both pitched.

At the plate, Luis Terrero was 3-for-3 and fell a home run short of the cycle. He also walked twice and drove in three runs, but despite getting on base five times, did not score. Eider Torres scored twice. Mike Costanzo was 1-for-4 and Adam Stern went 2-for-3. Jon Knott went 3-for-4 with two RBI for Rochester.

Norfolk is now 3-3.

Bowie 8, Reading 3

The Baysox finally got their first win of the season thanks to two four-run innings and a nice start from Chris Waters. Waters went five scoreless, two-hit innings with four strikeouts and no walks. Gerardo Casadiego allowed all three Reading runs in the top of the ninth. Between them, Felix Romero threw two scoreless innings.

Second baseman Jonathan Tucker had a big game at the plate, going 2-for-4 with four RBI. Ryan Finan was 3-for-4 two doubles and an RBI. Nolan Reimold went 0-for-3 with a walk, making him 4-for-24 (.167) for the season.

Bowie is 1-5.

Frederick 8, Kinston 7

Wieters Watch! The future All-Star was 2-for-3 with a walk and two RBI.

Chris Amador and Chris Vinyard also had two hits for the Keys, and Vinyard hit his first homer of the season. Jacob Renshaw, who turns 22 on April 29, got the win with a sloppy but effective five inning start (1 H, 3 BB, 2 K, 2 ER). Jason Burch got his second save, a one-outer in the ninth.

The Keys jumped out to a 7-2 lead before having to hold off the Indians. Frederick is 3-1.

Lake County 5, Delmarva 3

The Shorebirds were able to rap out just four hits on the night, two of which came off the bat of Joseph "Balls" Mahoney. Both of Mahoney's hits were doubles. Joseph Nowicki had two RBI.

Tony Butler took the loss, but had a solid start. He went five innings, giving up three earned on three hits, with no walks and three strikeouts. He gave up a solo home run to Captains third baseman Karexon Sanchez -- great name. Delmarva is 1-3 on the year.

Buffalo @ Norfolk, PPD

They'll play a double-header today.

Erie 9, Bowie 6 (10 innings)

That's right -- Bowie lost another one in extra innings, with another ridiculous double digit inning explosion by the Seawolves. After losing 8-3 in their opener in 11, the Baysox came back the next night to allow Erie to drop six runs in the top of the 10th. They came back with three in the bottom of the inning, but fell short. 27-year old Chris Waters started and went three innings, and Gerardo Casadiego threw three innings after him. Ryan Keefer took the loss, allowing four earned in 1 2/3 innings. First baseman Ryan Finan took over on the mound to close it out, allowing two earned in a third of an inning, walking two. God bless minor league baseball.

Finan also went 2-for-5 at the plate. Nolan Reimold was 1-for-5. Center fielder Mike Rodriguez was 3-for-4.

Frederick 2, Lynchburg 0

Brandon Snyder and Chris Vinyard both went 2-for-3 at the plate, and Matt Wieters was 1-for-2 with a walk and an RBI. Brandon Tripp had the Keys' other RBI on a 1-for-3 night. Brandon Erbe might have his groove back, as he went five scoreless with five strikeouts and a walk.

Delmarva 4, Hagerstown 3

First baseman Joseph "Balls" Mahoney had two RBIs and Kieron Pope had one, leading the Shorebirds over the Suns. Luis Noel struck out four in four innings pitched in the start, allowing two runs on six hits. Pope and CF-LF David Cash both had doubles for Delmarva.