8:05 on FOX, y'all. Let's take this stupid, pointless day as a chance to talk a lot of B.S. about players that have no real bearing on our team. Rock and roll, hoochie koo.

	Today's Starting Pitchers	GS	IP	ERA	WHIP	BAA	HR	BB	K	W-L
	Ben Sheets - RH - Brewers	18	123.0	2.85	1.11	.235	13	28	108	10-3
	Cliff Lee - LH - Indians	18	124.2	2.31	1.03	.234	5	20	106	12-2

	National League	AB	AVG	OBP	HR	RBI
1	Hanley Ramirez - SS - Marlins	373	.311	.391	23	45
2	Chase Utley - 2B - Phillies	364	.291	.372	25	69
3	Lance Berkman - 1B - Astros	334	.347	.443	22	73
4	Albert Pujols - DH - Cardinals	286	.350	.466	18	50
5	Chipper Jones - 3B - Braves	298	.376	.472	18	51
6	Matt Holliday - RF - Rockies	309	.337	.421	14	51
7	Ryan Braun - LF - Brewers	377	.286	.324	23	66
8	Kosuke Fukudome - CF - Cubs	326	.279	.383	7	36
9	Geovany Soto - C - Cubs	316	.288	.369	16	56

	American League	AB	AVG	OBP	HR	RBI
1	Ichiro - RF - Mariners	391	.304	.366	3	21
2	Derek Jeter - SS - Yankees	352	.284	.345	5	42
3	Josh Hamilton - CF - Rangers	377	.310	.367	21	95
4	Alex Rodriguez - 3B - Yankees	279	.312	.392	19	53
5	Manny Ramirez - LF - Red Sox	328	.293	.389	18	60
6	Milton Bradley - DH - Rangers	269	.316	.440	19	57
7	Kevin Youkilis - 1B - Red Sox	328	.314	.381	15	63
8	Joe Mauer - C - Twins	301	.322	.418	5	41
9	Dustin Pedroia - 2B - Red Sox	395	.314	.357	9	47

via d.yimg.com

Justin Morneau won the 2008 Home Run Derby, making me a genius or a wizard, but no one will remember that. The man he out-donged in the final round, Josh Hamilton, was the story.

If you missed it, find his first round performance on the internet ASAP. Just amazing stuff. 28 home runs. Massive shots -- 504 feet, 502 feet, 497, and so on. His average length was 445 in the first round. And he had the familiar Hamilton story being repeated all night, plus a 71-year old American Legion baseball coach throwing the balls for him.

Amazing stuff, and truly special. It was ridiculous to watch.

The other great memorable moment of the Home Run Derby you need to track down on the internet?

Chase Utley is introduced before the Derby, reaches the foul line, and says, "Boo? F--k you!"

Classic.

The All-Star commentary team featured Chris Berman, Joe Morgan and Steve Phillips sitting at one unholy desk of pure evil, plus Karl Ravech, John Kruk (who defined it as "sad!" that people were going ape for everything after Hamilton's Herculean display), the increasingly gomer-y Peter Gammons, and Rick Reilly, who had a fit over the fact that all eight hitters in the contest happened to be white, which was ill-timed, out of place, and utterly pointless. Maybe Mr. Lookitme! should stay on the back pages of magazines.

The final moments of the Derby are happening right now, with Morneau being presented his trophy and the State Farm $50,000 check to the Boys & Girls Club and all that.

The State Farm dude says, "Jason, ya came through tonight."

Erin Andrews makes a face, then moments later says, "Mr. Justin Marneau."

Followed by an MLB official saying, "Justin Merneau."

And Gary Thorne has just welcomed me to the Taco Bell Legends and Celebrities All-Star Softball Game.

Fantastic stuff. You can't beat the Home Run Derby.

Dig the psychotic smile of Florida Marlins All-Star second baseman Dan Uggla!

Lefties will obviously have the advantage at Yankee Stadium tonight. I'm going with Justin Morneau.

In fact, let's make some picks:

Winner?

Most home runs in a single round by any player (number of homers, that is)?

Player who hits the least home runs in the first round?

Player who hits the most home runs in the first round?

Over/Under: Number of references to Josh Hamilton's checkered past -- 3.5

Yep, four Rangers. What can you do? Bradley, Hamilton and Kinsler are killing the ball. I debated a few positions. I wasn't terribly comfortable voting Bradley as an OFer, but the way he's hitting, he's on my team somehow or another. He has played about 15 games in the outfield anyway. DH was hard, but ultimately I let favoritism win out and took Huff over Oritz, who is slightly better but has played less. Plus he's on the DL, so screw Papi. Plus DH is pretty weak.

First base was between Giambi and Youkilis, and it's a toss-up. Mauer was a no-brainer. Young isn't terribly good but he's the best of the bunch. Boy does Jeter stink.

You don't get to vote pitcher, obviously, but I'd take Cliff Lee for throwing about 30 more innings than Justin Duchscherer, who has been off his nut starting for the A's with a sub-2 ERA. Most of the AL's best pitchers have crap W-L records, but Lee is both legitimately great all of a sudden and 11-1.

The DH should be Pujols. Hard to leave him off, but Berkman is just a little better. The OF was weird to pick. Burrell, LUDWICK??, and Bay? Sure, why not. Volquez over Lincecum at SP for me, but that one's tough, too. McCann by a hair or two over Soto. Utley over Uggla was another tough pick.

No-brainers: butt-fugly Chipper Jones and Hanley Ramirez.

Who ya got?