Um...Luke Scott got a hit. So did Guillermo Quiroz.

Bynum hit leadoff with Roberts out. Hernandez started at second instead of Cintron, so I guess Luis Luis is getting a second life. Cintron did play, though.

Burres didn't pitch so bad. Bannister was excellent.

We're off tomorrow. The Red Sox come to town Tuesday.

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I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I'm sure. It's one thing to come into this season with low expectations, and knowing the team is going to compete for Worst Team in Baseball, and knowing how rocky and downright bad it's going to be, but it's another thing to actually sit and watch it happen.

The O's came out for 2008 with another surprisingly fast start, ending April in contention. We're a week into May, 16-16, and now we're in fourth place. And brothers and sisters, it's only going to get worse.

We're a half-game up on Toronto, and the Jays are riding a five-game win streak. It's only a matter of time before we get settled in the cellar.

I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic. Think about some of the guys starting for this team. Luis Hernandez and his .542 OPS, weak arm, and frequent boneheaded baserunning mistakes. Ramon Hernandez and his .581 OPS, detrimental alleged defense behind the plate, and frequent boneheaded baserunning mistakes. Luke Scott (.778 and nosediving) and Jay Payton (.642 and steady) are in a left field platoon.

Our starting first baseman is OPSing .672. Nick Markakis is in a massive slump right now. Our number three hitter is Melvin Mora -- .729 OPS.

This offense is offensive.

And it kind of makes you feel bad for a starting pitching crew that is performing a lot better than most would have expected. Jeremy Guthrie (4.06/1.24) is doing his thing again. Daniel Cabrera (4.06/1.35) seems to have found a balance between power pitching and trusting his stuff enough to let people try to hit it. Brian Burres (2.87/1.28) has been terrific. Garrett Olson (2.08/1.08) has been great in two starts since being called up. Steve Trachsel is a waste of time, so let's not even bother talking about him right now.

The bullpen has been a little inconsistent, but they've held their own for the most part. There's not much more you could ask of this pitching staff than what they've given us, to be totally fair.

And then there's the boneheaded baserunning and fielding and other assorted screwery. It's hard to watch a team make so many fundamental little mistakes that wind up costing them games. The A's had no business winning last night. They shouldn't have scored a run.

But then the Orioles shouldn't be making two outs on every hit-and-run they attempt and gloriously fail to execute. The Orioles shouldn't run into so many outs. But Dave has them running, despite their constant presentation of evidence that they don't know how to run the bases. Roberts is a fantastic baserunner. Markakis is a really good, savvy baserunner, last night's boner notwithstanding. But guys like Luis and Adam Jones, while they have speed, aren't good baserunners. It's one of the few times I'll go out of my way to praise Derek Jeter, but that guy is a magnificent baserunner. It's not just speed, and we all know that. Markakis isn't terribly fast, but, like Jeter, he has good instincts and rarely screws himself over.

And it's not just on the bases. It's in the field, too. Melvin Mora, God bless him, makes more idiotic mistakes than anyone I can think of. He also makes a lot of highlight reel plays. His tendency to look to get a glory out and wind up getting nobody out is a little high. Luis Hernandez? I can't really blame him. He's not really a Major League shortstop. He does not have the arm for the position.

I'm not mad about them being bad, and I'm not upset about it, and it doesn't depress me or anything. But it's hard to watch a team so bad on so many levels. They try hard, there's a lot of moxy, and there's plenty of grit. They've got some gamers. That's super.

They stink, though. We all knew they would.

(And Aubrey Huff has been fine.)

Garrett Olson pitched a quality start in his return to Baltimore, and the O's got rid of Rays starter Jason Hammel in short order to pound out a 7-4 win at home and stay tied with the Red Sox for first place in the AL East.

I watched the game but didn't talk, and here were my impressions of Olson last night, in numbered form!

1. Five walks in six and two thirds is still just not good. At all.
2. I won't, however, go so far as to say he was "the same guy" as last year. He dealt better with falling behind and even losing batters, and those that pointed out the small strike zone last night (probably a more correct strike zone than most pitchers are used to anymore) are correct. He never lost his head and threw fat pitches just to get them over. He trusted that his stuff and his defense would bail him out. It's a dangerous way to live if you're going to walk that many, but it's the right mindset, I'd say.
3. I was glad to see him wearing No. 18 instead of 57. Last year, Alberto Castillo had 18, and 18 has been worn by the likes of Pat Kelly, Javy Lopez, Jeff Conine, Bob Milacki, Damon Buford, and, of course, Larry Sheets.
4. I'd rather see Olson struggle and learn than watch Steve Trachsel simply struggle.

Guillermo Quiroz hit a two-run homer to break a 0-0 tie in the sixth inning, and Brian Burres had a magnificent start, leading the O's to a 5-1 win in the first game of today's double-header in Chicago.

Burres went eight shutout innings, striking out four and allowing three hits. He didn't walk anybody, which is the real stunner.

Luke Scott was 0-1 in a pinch-hit appearance, which extends his slump. If you haven't noticed, he's down to a .310 average and hasn't seen first base since April 19. Jay Payton got the start against John Danks, who took a perfect game into the sixth inning before Guillermo bombed him, and went 1-for-3. So if you can say anything about Payton, it's that he's doing his best when called upon.

The Birds sealed the deal in the top of the ninth against Octavio Dotel, with Eider Torres (pinch-running for Huff) scoring on a Paul Konerko error, and Brian Roberts doubling Quiroz and Adam Jones home to make it 5-0.

Matt Albers came in for the ninth and got his cage rattled a little bit. George Sherrill replaced him with the bases loaded and two out, and promptly drilled Carlos Quentin, but then got Joe Crede, so big whoop.

The O's are 14-9, y'all.

Game 2 starts at 7:05, and I'll get a new game thread up for that one. I leave you with a question: Why does Toby Hall have a landing strip on his face?

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We don't play this game on paper!

Shut it, Squinty. You give hating the Yankees a bad name.

This is sort of a "random thoughts" idea, although I really don't like how "random thoughts" sounds. I don't like the word "random." It gets used too much. That, in itself, is a random thought. Or, really, I guess it's pretty on-topic.

...

1. Who was that umpire with the hemp necklace? Way to rock your fashion within the confines of your outfit, dude. Let's go see some Daaaaave.
2. On the topic of attire, Gary Thorne about made me pee last night. No man should ever wear so much beige at one time, and his complexion just isn't fit for it to begin with. As for his atrocious tie, let's just say that I hope it was given to him by a young relative for his birthday or something. I'm so catty!
3. Z got to even up Cabrera Bowl '08 with Danny's killer start. So many times I thought he was about to implode, but he manned up. Like a man. I hope Z kicks my ass at the game of Cabrera.
4. LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!
5. Luis Hernandez and Melvin Mora make some of the most God awful fielding mistakes you will ever see on the left side of our infield. Mora is turning into Derek Jeter, making a good amount of highlight reel plays and falling short on what should be the routine. But Mora also has the added boner factor of frequently wanting to throw the ball home when he should just go to second or first and not worry about the run. And then he makes his Melvin Face. You know the face. And Hernandez's arm is dubious.
6. Randor Bierd is just plain cool. You know what I mean?
7. Who would win in a fight: Brandon Fahey or Edwar Ramirez?
8. After all the talk about how Markakis is walking a lot and you don't want your 3-4-5 hitters to walk (despite that the plate discipline of Millar is really his greatest asset and it never ever ever ever ever ever hurts to get on base instead of making an out), it was refreshing to hear Jim Palmer say the following words: "He's going to walk a lot. And why not?" Jim, you have bested Buck. Markakis was 3-for-3 after walking in the first inning.
9. If you haven't noticed, ol' Brian Bob is in a 1-for-17 funk.
10. Yankee fans still talk about their lineup as being the best in baseball a lot of the time, apparently not noticing flaws like Jason Giambi now being exactly as good as the end of the line days of Jeremy Giambi, and only being able to score two runs against the Orioles, both off the bat of Chad Moeller. This is just picking at them while they're down, really. I'm aware that they're going to score their runs.
11. One extra. Even if he goes down as the greatest player to ever lace up a pair of cleats, Alex Rodriguez's ability and all the nice things he does for charity and things of that nature will probably not outlive how big of a tool he is. But I will root for him to break Bonds' home run record, regardless of his toolness. I was a big Bonds fan for a long, long time, and found him to be funny in many ways, but the dude got to be too much. Is baseball missing him or Roger Clemens right now?

There are times when I'm just not sure what planet she's on.

How long has it been since the Orioles had a legitimate outfield?

2003, probably. Bigbie (117 OPS+), Matos (113) and Gibbons (106). Not great, mind you. But legitimate. All of them slugged in the .450s. Plus they had Surhoff (101) and, oh right, an injury-hampered Melvin Mora (143 -- and you knew who you were then!).

Probably hasn't been since the mid-90s.

Well...that is an interesting estimate. Remember, this is "legitimate," not necessarily "impactful" or "special." The 2000 O's had the ancient Belle/Brady/BJ trio, too. More sickly bees than killer. But they all OPS'd on or slightly above the league average, really -- 109, 106, 104.

But let's be kind, rewind, and say that maybe the 2003 and 2000 Orioles outfields didn't happen, although they did and they were all firmly competent. The 1999 Orioles had Albert Belle, Brady Anderson and BJ Surhoff, too. They were, how do you say, pretty f'n good. Belle was at 142, Brady at 128, Surhoff at 115. They were a damn sight better than either of the playoff outfields of '96 and '97.

Last night we learned the O's have one now. The defense was phenomenal as Nick Markakis gunned down Whitesox slugger Jim Thome at 3rd base in the 3rd inning from right field. Look for it on SportsCenter. Then in the 5th, Luke Scott threw a rocket home from left field---Orlando Cabrera was meat.

Scott's throw was one of the prettiest throws I've seen in my 5-seasons covering the Orioles. Honestly, when it happened, it was as if I'd seen Sasquatch.

I knew those type of throws probably existed, but I'd never seen one---not by an Oriole at least. Hopefully, my friends will believe me when I re-tell the story.

Here's where Amber always really starts to lose me. Whether it's the insane Easter chocolate bunny Jesus ramblings of a madwoman or equating a couple of throws with seeing Sasquatch, she never fails to deliver the delirious goods.

Let's also not ignore that she is basically saying here, "I know Sasquatch probably exists, but I've never seen him/her/it." Well if an Oriole outfielder can make an assist, it's just a matter of time before Amber does confront the famed "Big Foot," so I guess that's good for everyone.

Those two plays go much further than just last night. From here on out, forward scouts from ball clubs all over the league will write, "do not run on right or left fielders," when preparing their base runners to face the Orioles.

And here it goes with Amber's knowledge of the scouts again. Last time, it was any baseball scout telling you how realistic it was that Kevin Millar and Ramon Hernandez would hit 25 home runs this season, despite that Millar has done that once, half a decade ago, and is 100 years old, plus Ramon's lack of EVER doing it before and being on the bad side of 30 and a catcher. Sure, just ask the scouts!

Also, from this point henceforth, thanks to two throws, all runners will be instructed to never run on the cannon arms of Markakis and Scott. This will probably give the Orioles a good +10 in the W-L standings. Particularly considering that Markakis gunned down the fleet-footed and elusive JIM THOME, who runs about as well as Sasquatch does anymore.

Offensively Scott and Markakis are both batting over .300.

A useless statistic.

Good teams have solid outfielders who can hit and have good arms.

They also have pitching, infielders that can hit scattered about...

Also, we just discussed some good or at least not bad outfields. All on bad teams.

Imagine in a year-or-two when Adam Jones really comes into his own. The Bird's outfield could be one of the best in the Major Leagues.

I am having a good time imagining the outfield as belonging to The Bird, I'll give you that. The Bird running meetings wherein he expresses disappointment in Adam Jones' struggles with offspeed stuff, but doesn't get on his case about it. The Bird spending entirely too much time on batting average and the very occasional chances that right fielders get to throw out guys at third base, or left fielders to throw someone out at home.

Turns out The Bird is Dave Trembley. Which I agree is awesome.

 via d.yimg.com 

NO.

Not a good day, tater. What a total debacle.

Trachsel: 2 1/3 IP, 5 H, 5 ER, 3 BB, 1 K
Aquino: 3 IP, 5 H, 4 ER, 3 BB, 1 K
Bierd: 2 2/3 IP, 2 H, 1 K
Sarfate: 1 IP, 4 H, 2 ER, 1 K

Sarfate's ERA is now juuuust under eight, at 7.94.

Luuuuuke and Markickass had two hits apiece. Markakis and Melvin Mora had solo homers.

The other run came from Adam Jones, who crushed his first Oriole home run, right down the left field line and barely fair. But man, he smoked it off of Jesse Carlson. First of many to come. It was his mom's birthday, his t-shirt night at the park (15,000 attendance! Great success!), and Jackie Robinson Day for MLB, with Jones wearing No. 42 for the O's.

Other than that, just horrible.

"Above anything else, I hate to lose."

-- Jackie Robinson, 1919-1972

Once a year or so, it's good to update these. Players come and players go, much like the asinine nicknames that generally spring out of the game threads. So here's a quick primer for anyone who's new and might not know what in God's name we're talking about during certain points of a game.

Albers, Matt

• Fat Albers

This is not in any way intended to be mean. Honest. I know the dude's a little pudgy, maybe still carrying some baby fat, or maybe he's just like most of the rest of us and likes to reward himself for a fine day's work of breathing air and being a cool dude by wolfing down a Baconator or six. I'm not here to judge Matt Albers. It's just something that happened in my head and then I put it on a blog. Hey, hey, hey!

You gotta do it right though. Listen for yourself, if you're unfamiliar. It starts loud, so be prepared. That site is long faded as far as being funny goes, but whatever. RAN-DOOOOOR!

Bradford, Chad

• ChadBrad
• Chadwick
• Chadstache

Ain't found a way to kill me yet

Eyes burn with stingin' sweat

Seems every path leads me to nowhere

Wife and kids, household pet

Army green was no safe bet

The bullets scream to me from somewhere

Yeah, they come to snuff The Rooster

Yeah, here come The Rooster

You know he ain't gonna die

Walkin' tall, machine gun man

They spit on me in my homeland

Mora, Melvin 

• MelMo
• Melly Mel
• Melvin Moron
• Playoff Hero Melvin Mora

Did Babe Ruth ever slap at someone's glove while they tried to tag him? Did Mickey Mantle? Did Hank Aaron? Did Cal Ripken? Did Dane Iorg? Did Kiko Garcia? Seriously. He's a player to admire, but a total weiner.

That's why I prefer "Brian Bob."

Sarfate, Dennis

• Dennis the Menace

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Matt Albers got the job done in a spot start and George Sherrill picked up a shaky sixth save on the season as the Birds remained in first place with a 4-3 win over Toronto.

The O's are now 6-1 at Camden Yards this season, quite a turnaround from last year's dismal 35-46 home record. Trembley went bullpen crazy as usual, giving Jim Johnson two and a third before calling in Jamie Walker and Chad Bradford to get one out apiece. With a 4-1 lead, Sherrill came in to pitch the ninth and allowed a two-run, pinch-hit home run to Alex Rios, but he survived the brush with crap and got us out of there with one more in the win column.

Pretty good game at the plate, too. Kevin Millar was 2-for-4 with a homer and three RBIs, and Brian Roberts, Melvin Mora and Luke Scott all had two hits apiece. Adam Jones was 3-for-3 with a walk, and looked really good at the plate, even though his first hit was sort of an off-balance hack at a breaking ball. After that, he appeared to be dialed in. And this after Dave Trembley went around telling everyone he could find that he really thought about pulling the struggling Jones today.

I still wonder what purpose that serves. Is it motivation? Doesn't it seem like that would make the kid press even harder? And if he had pulled him, then why is he on the team anyway? He's here to learn on the Major League level.

The other O's RBI came from a Ramon Hernandez sac fly. He was 0-for-3 to push his average down to a sparkling .179.

With 13 hits, the O's should have scored more runs, which is a pretty familiar feeling. They grounded into three double plays and made two outs at the plate. The first was Luis Hernandez hesitating to run anywhere on a Nick Markakis chopper where he absolutely should have scored or at least not run at all, but them's the breaks. The second came in the eighth, when Juan Samuel sent Jay Payton on a medium-depth fly ball to left field with one out and Brian Roberts coming up with two men in scoring position.

Let's think about this. Payton runs fine, but he's not fast. Shannon Stewart can't throw, but he wasn't throwing very far. There is another out to go and the insurance run(s) would certainly help. So Samuel sends him?

You're on notice, Juan. You're Trebelhorn II.

But a win is a win is a win. I'm also worried about the fact that in eight wins, Sherrill has six saves. We're not exactly whomping on the competition, and close games can turn against you very fast. But a win is a win is a win. This is Birdland.

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We're 7-5. It's true. But let's really take a look at this 7-5 record of ours, and see if this is a team legitimately outperforming expectations, or a team just sort of, you know, 7-5 because that's just sort of how it is.

Coming into today's loss to the Rays, the O's were hitting .253/.331/.423 as a team. Who's performing?

Luke Scott is performing. Brian Roberts is performing. Nick Markakis is performing, even though it took him 12 games to get his first homer. Nick's walking like crazy because teams are willing to pitch around him to get to Millar in many cases.

And then there's Aubrey Huff, who has a couple of big games and has been abysmal otherwise. For those not really keeping an eye on it, "Mr. Clutch" is now hitting .244.

After those two, the hitting falls off a cliff. Luis Hernandez is "surprising" people, but really take a look at those numbers -- he's still sporting a sub-.650 OPS. Brandon Fahey is 1-for-11 on the season, and we all know he can't hit. So you're looking at a two-headed monster at shortstop that simply cannot hit enough to help. Alex Cintron is no prize, but he'd be markedly better than either of them.

Mora has hit a couple of homers, but overall he stinks, too. Millar has looked terrible. Ramon Hernandez is struggling mightily.

It's way too early to have anything at all to really say about the pitching, past the fact that this rotation is going to just kill us. It's one thing to understand that they're bad; it's another to watch it happen. Loewen and Cabrera and Burres are going to be extremely frustrating to watch game-to-game. The bullpen, a strong point early, is showing serious chinks in the armor. Sound familiar? Same scenario as last season, featuring "Lights Out" John Parrish.

We're 2-3 against Tampa Bay, 1-2 against Texas, and 4-0 against Seattle, whose bullpen imploded on them and allowed that sweep. Is this team really playing above expectations?

I have my doubts. And that's not me trying to be negative, it's just what I'm thinking about at the moment.

I am proud to say that Brian Roberts has more hops than Akinori Iwamura.