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No Nomar, No Big Hurt, MORE CONINE

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Source: Sun

We're out of the running with Nomar after he's turned down a one-year, $4 million deal. Look, we want him to play first base or left field, and the New York Yankees, who actually win, want him to play first base. This is a no-brainer for Garciaparra. I can't be mad at him or the O's in this case. That's about the deal I'd offer him (maybe a million or two higher, but the Yankees could easily match that), and you can't do more than that.

As for Thomas, he "impressed" the team with face-to-face meetings, but they aren't offering anything because they're unsure of his health.

But Jeff Conine! Oh boy, oh boy! Oh boy! No worries there, he'll surely stay healthy, and that's of the utmost importance when deciding which old man to take a risk on! Not possible actual contribution! They'd both be one-year deals, probably, so let's go the super safe route!

There's nothing I wanted more that could possibly fit this team better than a 40-year old first baseman/left fielder who has lost a lot of his power! Yes! Yes! Is it too late to get Surhoff back?! Can we pull some strings?

And we're also interested in Jeromy Burnitz (37 in April, .258/.322/.435 in 2005) and Kenny Lofton (39 in May, 110 games of decent production with the Phillies in 2005)! Remember how Lofton used to be a real good center fielder? Well now he isn't! Yes!

Oh, Big Pete and Flanny Ganny and Jimmy Dukes, how could we ever have doubted you guys?