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Best news I heard all day

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The Minnesota Twins are bringing Tony Batista back from Japan on a one-year deal. Considering my dislike of the Twins and dislike of Tony Batista, it's a perfect match for me.

Batista hit .263 (can't find his OBP/SLG numbers, but assume "low" and "decent") with 27 homers for the Pacific League's Fukuoka Softbank Hawks. What the hell is a Softbank Hawk?

You know why I dislike Batista? It's not really his production or lack thereof - it's the fact that the 2002 Orioles were so bad that Tony Batista was the team's All-Star.

Batista is sort of like a Vinny Castilla that can hit home runs anywhere. He is a good third baseman. He can't get on base. How Batista managed 110 RBI with the Expos in 2004 while hitting .241/.272 is still the best reason for ignoring RBI when determining a player's worth that I can ever think of.