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Gameday Thread: O's at Braves, 06/30

Game Time: 7:35 | TV: WJZ, TBS | Radio: WBAL
Daniel Cabrera, RH Chuck James, LH (4-5, 5.11) (1-0, 1.40)

So, no sweep. Oh well. Oh well! That's life, that's what all the people say. It's especially life for the Orioles.

For the last couple seasons, the Braves have been kind of sputtering along, and then they play the O's. And the Braves are REBORN! We are like mojo or something for Atlanta, because they play us and then they win the division. Right now, they're 33-46, a half game away from last place, and 14.5 behind the Mets. Furthermore, they have tanked June, going 5-21. So if they wind up kicking our asses and winning the division this year, then obviously the good Lord God almighty -- however you wish to define he/she/it! -- is a Braves fan. How then to explain the lack of World Series titles? Well, He/She/It would like to keep it at least a little fair. So He/She/It gives them no help in October? I don't know. Whatever, dude, the Braves win a lot.

I have a friend who is a Braves fan, actually. A soon-to-be-roommate of a Braves fan. And this guy is all bitchin' and stuff this season about how they're bad, and I'm like, "Rick. I am an Orioles fan."

And can you believe that Bobby Cox and Leo Mazzone aren't talking much about Leo's return to the ATL? Gosh, who would have expected them to say, "Eh. It's no biggie. Sure we won 312 division titles together. But now I am/he is an Orioles coach."

Anyway, anyway, anyway, the game, because there is one. Daniel Cabrera takes the mound against something called "Chuck James," a little lefty feller from right here! in Atlanta, Georgia! who was a 20th round pick in 2002 out of Chattahoochie Valley, which I can only assume is the world's best barefoot beer drinking community college. If you have information on Chattahoochie Valley that doesn't agree with my idea of it, then please, do not tell me. I prefer to leave this unspoiled.

Chuck got two games of relief in last season, and has been in eight games this year, seven of them in relief. He made his first major league start on June 25 against the Devil Rays, and went eight innings with eight strikeouts, four walks, two hits and one unearned run allowed. So that's a pretty nice first big league start. Chuck just may be dangerous. We have got to beware of Chuck.

And then we have that big Dominican galoot, the lovable Daniel Cabrera. How may I describe thee, Daniel? Let me try these words: You suck. I am sick of you. I am sick of saying you're fun to watch. It'd be a lot more fun if you were good instead of you strike lots of people out, because past that, well, what? You've gotten worse! What is wrong with you? You should be punched! But I will not do it, as you are 6'7". I'm barely taller than Chuck, and I doubt he will punch you either. Frankly, Daniel, I want you to punch other people, but if you tried, I fear you may miss.

I mean, really, how long can I bullshit about Daniel Cabrera? He's not any good. He's got a superb K-rate and a BB-rate to match it. Yeah he doesn't give up many hits (59 in 68.2 IP) or HR (5) and there are things to like about him, but you cannot be a successful starting pitcher in the major leagues walking this many people. Do you realize Cabrera, if he pitches 30 games (and he won't, because he missed a few starts), is on pace to throw about 158 innings, right? First of all, lame. Second of all, he's also on pace, if he pitches 158 innings, to walk, like, 140 batters or something? I don't know, my math is poor and it's really early in the morning, but it's an absurdly high number. He has gone absolutely silly with his lack of control. It's not even kind of endearing anymore. "Oh, how charming, he can't stop walking people! Ha ha ha!" I mean, really, what the hell, dude. Throw strikes. It honestly cannot be that hard. Go back to THEOLD Daniel Cabrera that just had a problem, not this newfangled Daniel Cabrera whose control is completely out of whack.

Anyway, game. Ballgame. I want to win. Tomorrow: THE DEBUT OF RUSS.