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Kevbo: "Ain't no thang, y'all, dang."

"It's fun radio show talk, but this isn't a big deal. It's not vindictive or anything. I'm a Baltimore Oriole, period, and this has nothing to do with anything but throwing out the first pitch. The Orioles aren't in the playoffs right now, but you still root for your friends to do well."

My real problem with this, now (since I've said enough about my initial issues), is that Millar and probably the Orioles don't seem to get why people wouldn't like this.

Hey! Kevin! The Red Sox aren't your friends. The Red Sox are nobody's friends. If the Red Sox were an ice cream flavor, they'd be pralines...and dick.


Look, I agree that it makes no difference for Kevin Millar, for the Orioles, for the Red Sox, for the fact that I hate the Red Sox, for the fact that the Red Sox might occasionally find us to be a mild annoyance, for the 2008 season, for game seven of the ALCS, the Indians, the World Series, 2004, the global business climate, Tippecanoe and Tyler, too.

It makes a difference in public perception, though. He's an Oriole. I know in my heart of hearts and all that romance novel jive that Kevin Millar didn't mean for this to look bad in any way. I know he'll show up next season and play his ass off and try, and fail, to make this team worth watching.

I'm not saying don't root for your friends. I'm not saying don't go to the game! Buy a ticket. Shit, go sit with Theo, who cares? But being on the field and doing Red Sox PSAs like you're still connected to that team anywhere but in the glowing hearts of millions of pink-hatted nincompoops just makes us all look like idiots for bothering to root for you all year when you clearly wish to be elsewhere. And it kinda makes ya look like a sad puppy, Kevster.

"Hi, this is Kevin Millar! You may remember me from the World Series champion Boston Red Sox of 2004! I may spend my current summers moonlighting with the Baltimore Orioles, but know that I'm really rootin' for ya! Cowboy up! Cowboy up! We're such good friends!"

He might as well have bought a uniform from the concession stand. Pink hat and all.