Bartolo Colon, RH Brian Burres, LH (6-3, 5.90) (3-2, 3.36)
Colon is fat and he sucks. Lots of people think maybe he's pitching hurt, but I think he's pitching fat. It's not that I don't enjoy a fat ballplayer, because I do, but there's a limit to how long fat guys are successful in the bigs. Losing 20 pounds this offseason wouldn't hurt Bartolo, because he's been for shit this season. That undeserved Cy Young of his still sticks in my craw, too. I'm just really not a fan. He's like a Latin Sidney Ponson minus all the baggage. Also even at his worst he's a better pitcher than Ponson. They're both fat. That's my only point.
Brian Burres is a short-term success who will lose his rotation spot sometime in the next two months. Oops, I mean, "Brian Burres has been awesome and is obviously part of the future of Baltimore baseball, a cornerstone of our oncoming turnaround."