There's always the question of whether I hate the Red Sox more or whether I hate the Yankees more. I think the answer is that I hate whoever we happen to be playing at the time more. Because every story I read from the Boston sports press about Fenway South, or how the Red Sox can start to turn things around against the Orioles, or anything along those lines, just makes me want to unleash anger and hate with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns.
So Red Sox Nation, laugh all you want, but you're going to get to watch precisely as many playoff games for your team this season as we will for ours. That number is zero. The difference is your payroll is $160 million and ours is about $80 million. Sure, we blew $4.5 million on Garrett Atkins, but you're paying $18 million to John Lackey and his 4.60 ERA, and $14 million to JD Drew, and over $9 million to your closer, who has an ass instead of a face. That's right, Red Sox fans, your cellar-dwelling AL East comrades are laughing at you shamelessly and delighting in your misfortune. As ye sow, so shall ye reap.
Hopefully you'll enjoy the Oriole Park at Camden Yards experience if you're in Baltimore for this series, though. I recommend a couple of Esskay Super Dogs at least. There's a hell of a budget deficit around here so every little bit of sales tax money in the coffers will be great. And hey, the hot dogs will help the pain of this trek south go down a lot easier. Sure, your $12 million dollar man Josh Beckett is on the mound tonight. So is his 6.50 ERA. Don't sweat it too much though, you'll only be paying him $16 million a year through 2014.
Speaking of guys you'll be seeing through at least 2014, starting for the Orioles tonight is Brian Matusz. Learn the name, know it, and love to hate it, because by then you'll be reviling him as much as we do Jon Lester. You might even start to see why tonight.
Your path out of 2010 oblivion goes through us and you shall not pass. You also shall not collect $200. Go directly to hell.
08/31/10 7:05 PM EDT
|Boston Red Sox||Baltimore Orioles|
|Marco Scutaro - SS||Julio Lugo - 2B|
|Darnell McDonald - CF||Nick Markakis - RF|
|Victor Martinez - C||Ty Wigginton - 1B|
|David Ortiz - DH||Luke Scott - DH|
|Adrian Beltre - 3B||Adam Jones - CF|
|Mike Lowell - 1B||Felix Pie - LF|
|J.D. Drew - RF||Matt Wieters - C|
|Jed Lowrie - 2B||Cesar Izturis - SS|
|Bill Hall - LF||Josh Bell - 3B|