Five hours ago I sat down to watch the Orioles play the Yankees. It is now a new day.
Over the course of a fifteen inning baseball game there are a lot of storylines I could pick out to focus on. What I would like to emphasize to you right now is that I have seen enough of Michael Gonzalez in an Orioles uniform. I never want to see him again. He has been a nearly worthless signing starting from last year when he was hurt and he's had a total of about two good games this year. He ruined this game and possibly the next game by virtue of getting his ass ejected by hitting some poor rookie in the head in the top of the 15th, a rookie whose name I don't remember and can't be bothered to look up because it's midnight, with Gonzo having already surrendered two inherited runs, thus forcing tomorrow's starter, Jeremy Guthrie, to enter the game in mop-up duty of a nearly lost cause. Beat writer reports indicate that the mysterious Troy Patton is in Baltimore. If Patton exists he needs to be on the roster tomorrow and Gonzalez needs to be gone. That's all there is to it. You are the weakest link. Good bye. Go forth and poison our team no more. Take your six million dollars and leave us.
Let's take a look at some more of the highlights and lowlights and bizarre occurrences that haven't faded into the misty recesses of memory:
* Zach Britton pitched great, allowing only an unearned run in 7 innings, which never should have scored except for Robert Andino bobbling a would-be DP ball. It also never should have scored except Nick Markakis is apparently no longer capable of rifling the ball from right to home like we've seen him do so many times. As I've called attention to in the past this season, he took a ball that should have been in no way deep enough to score a runner, and threw a ball way up the line that allowed a runner to tag up and score.
* The Orioles batters managing nearly nothing off of one of the many Hutts on the Yankee roster, in this case Bartolo Colon, who apparently had stem cells and probably HGH (not intended to be a factual statement, unless true) injected into his shoulder to fuel his comeback. Colon pitched eight scoreless innings, striking out seven and taking advantage of a gigantic strike zone from plate umpire Dan Bellino, which the Orioles batters still had not twigged to in the 15th inning.
* Mariano Rivera blew the save in the bottom of the 9th inning. Seriously. Vladimir Guerrero knocked in the tying run on a sacrifice fly.
And then our strange comedy rolled on...
* The Orioles had the leadoff hitter reach in the 10th, 11th, 13th and 15th and did not manage to score. In fact, the Orioles loaded the bases twice, in the 11th inning with one out and in the 12th with two out and did not manage to score.
* Michael Gonzalez is a fucking piece of shit pitcher who needs to be designated for assignment immediately. I wanted to say that above the jump but SBN asks us not to use profanity there. So: Fuck Gonzo. Designate him for assignment. I'm going to be pissed if I finish this post and hear that he's still on the team.
* The winning Yankees pitcher is Hector Noesi, who was making his major league debut. He threw four scoreless innings despite allowing two baserunners per inning.
* In the bottom of the 15th the first TWO batters reached, and with one out, Matt Wieters grounded a ball into the hole between first and second that would have loaded the bases... except Brandon Snyder, who pinch ran in the 13th for Guerrero, let the ball hit him. I am not certain I've ever seen that happen in my life.
* Five Orioles relievers actually managed to pitch without surrendering a run. Jeremy Accardo gave two decent innings (at least, scoreless innings) before Gonzalez allowed runners he inherited to score that were charged to Accardo, but it's silly that Accardo had to throw three innings to begin with. Accardo gets the loss but he had no business having to be the sacrificial lamb reliever. The bats need to get some damn runs.
* The one run we scored in the game was the run that made Rivera blow a save. That's over 15 innings. That's crazy.
* Some more stuff that's worth mentioning probably happened and I hope you'll fill in the comments, because it's late and I'm rambling because a game like this you can only react to by rambling.
* I hate everyone and everything. This is what you do to me, Orioles.
See you fine folks tomorrow - actually, make that later today. And fuck the Yankees.