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Game 99: Orioles (40-58) @ Blue Jays (51-51), 7:07pm

Editor's Note: After reading that Vladimir Guerrero was returning from the DL to the cleanup spot, Eat More Esskay fell and hit his head and has not been heard from since. However, we did receive a curious, faded envelope with the postmark of July 26, 1996 and instructions not to be delivered for 15 years. This was inside:

Dear Camden Chat,

1996 is pretty great. Every time I turn around, someone is doing the Macarena. Whenever I turn on the radio, that song Ride the Train is on, or else Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me, but the real #1 is Tupac Shakur's How Do U Want It. I had to read that in a magazine because that kind of thing isn't on the Internet yet.

I thought I would give you a dispatch about the Orioles of 1996. The O's are sitting right at .500, a 50-50 record and taking a four-game losing streak into tonight. I'm going to try to get a ticket, but it's tough going because all my money looks funny. Well, that and the fact that it's standing room only. That's for a game in the end of July against Cleveland.

Yesterday was tough, a 10-7 loss on a bad start by Rocky Coppinger. Albert Belle homered twice for Cleveland. So did Robbie Alomar for Baltimore, and Brady Anderson homered too, his 32nd of the season. Tonight looks more promising. Mike Mussina takes the mound, although 1996 isn't a great year for him. His ERA is over 5 heading into tonight. I read all this in the stat box in The Sun. They still print box scores back now. I forgot what it was like.

Manny Ramirez, Jim Thome and Omar Vizquel are also on this Cleveland team, and Paul Shuey is in the bullpen. They are managed by Mike Hargrove and are sporting a 62-40 record. Talk about a blast from the past, although I guess for me right now it's the future. Tenses get confusing when time travel's involved. Fortunately, I've already been born, so I don't have to worry about a total Marty McFly situation. Plus, anything I told myself about the future, I'm sure I wouldn't believe.

I hope to find my way back soon. I feel a little bit like the Connecticut Yankee right now. Well, enjoy 2011 for me.


Eat More Esskay