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Game 117: Tigers (63-55) @ Orioles (45-71), 7:05pm

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The Orioles are wandering the deserts of Arrakis. Perhaps they are looking for the fremen in order to unite and depose the tyrants of the AL East who have brought about their exile. I expect that the fremen will demand certain concessions, to which the Orioles will not agree because they have to save the money for maintenance on their fleet of ornithopters. I have it on good authority that they spent top dollar on an old, broken down ornithopter, though, which was once the most powerful flying machine in the Known Universe.

So tonight we look to Felix Pie to tame the Shai-Hulud and ride it into the streets of Arrakeen. He will be the first onto the sands. His face will be intense. He will probably take a bad route to the Shai-Hulud, an error for which he may or may not make up by his raw speed. And even if he gets there he will still have to actually catch it.

Look, I don't know what to say any more than you do. I don't understand how a sane or rational mind can decide Felix is an ideal leadoff hitter for even one night. Max Scherzer is starting for the Tigers and Jeremy Guthrie for the Orioles. We know the O's won't score any runs. They may even find a way to score negative runs. I leave you with Dunecat.