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How to survive Orioles rainouts

April showers bring no baseball. What's an Orioles fan to do?

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Greg Fiume

With Monday's off day, last night's rainout and a good chance of another one tonight, that's an awful lot of no-baseball nights for Orioles fans to endure so early in the season.  Last night's game has been rescheduled for Thursday, which itself still has some rain in the forecast.  It's conceivable that there could be no Orioles baseball until Friday's game in Minnesota.  What's a desparate Orioles fan to do with themselves?

Suggestions could range from the practical to the desperate and absurd.

  1. Enjoy some playoff basketball. Hey, the Wizards are even in the mix!  Surely for just three days, a jaded Orioles fan could pretend that the NBA is putting forth a real sporting event.  And hey, their commissioner just acted more decisively to fix an embarrassing blemish on his league than Bud Selig ever has.
  2. Vote Orange. MLB's All-Star voting is live, and you can vote for Matt Wieters, Nelson Cruz and a bunch of other Orioles who probably don't deserve to make the team based on what they've done so far in 2014.
  3. Watch the horrible rain-delay programming on MASN and drink until you can convince yourself that it's baseball.
  4. Hunt down Nick Markakis and pie him in the face so that he'll get over himself and participate in the team's fun activities on the rare occasions when he's responsible for a game-winning hit.
  5. Call Jim Palmer and ask him about that one time he gave up a grand slam. Report back on whether you can hear an aneurysm occur over a phone line.
  6. Make a full line of Twins voodoo dolls in preparation for the Orioles' next series.  Please note that it's never OK to wish pain and injury on other players, so you should just make them miss a few games with comical ailments like explosive diarrhea or lupus.
  7. Watch your favorite Orioles clips. Not the actual baseball ones, because they might make you dwell on the lack of baseball.  I'm partial to this one and this one.
  8. Give up your lurker status. Join the Camden Chat community, and see just how weird Open Threads can get on consecutive off days after an ugly series loss to an inferior Kansas City club.
  9. Play Sporcle's Orioles-related games. They're fun.  You can also play their Countries of the World game, which is not at all related but is a great challenge, and really, Americans need to know more geography.
  10. Buy Orioles gear that you probably don't need ... but wait, you totally don't have one of these!  Or one of these!  Or this thing!  And you totally need them!
  11. Head to an Orioles-Nationals battleground area and randomly confront Nationals fans for their disloyalty.  I've found that being rain-drenched really helps for that added effect when stirring up trouble in public areas.
  12. Go to your local sports bar and ask them to turn on the Orioles game.  However they respond, just say "thanks." Then, starting right around 7pm, stare intently at the nearest TV and start cheering on random Orioles, jeering at Adam Jones' free-swinging ways, etc.
  13. DRINK ... responsibly. Or irresponsibly.  You're trapped in the house while it's cold and rainy and there's no baseball. Who's going to judge?
  14. Go knock on your neighbor's door and ask as angrily as possible WHY THEY WON'T MAKE THE RAIN STOP, then run away.
  15. Write a fan letter to your favorite Oriole. Make it as long and detailed as possible. "I think it all started with that orange onesie, Adam..."  I'm sure they'll read it.
  16. Prove the conspiracy behind Nate McLouth's hard-hit ball going foul in Game 5 of the 2012 ALDS.  You'll need a room with four all-corkboard walls, lots of yarn, blown-up photos and news clippings.  And the answer almost certainly involves chem trails, vaccinations and the Republican Party -- that should get you started.
That's all I've got.  Maybe that will get you through a few hours tonight.  Leave your own ideas to help Birdland survive the rain in the comments.