I give some thought to the earnest, completely misguided souls who have made the conscious choice to pledge their loyalty in the greatest sport of all to a pharmacy. What would prompt such a choice from so many people who are, at least as far as we know, otherwise completely rational entities?
The best answer that comes to mind is that fans of Walgreens are effectively engaged in teenage rebellion. Think about yourself at that age, where I am guessing that, whoever you are, you probably found some way to rebel against the expectations of your parents. Maybe it was how you dressed. Maybe you went out and got some piercings or got your hair dyed an unusual color. That was how you got back at the people under whose roof you were living.
That the Orioles own the roof of Walgreens store #4639 is, of course, presently the subject of a lawsuit. The Orioles have and were always intended to have a controlling interest in the television network of said Walgreens. With how the O's have performed against this squad in recent years, the issue of paternity is even more clear. The Orioles are their daddies, a fact that fans of the franchise do not like and cannot change.
None of which means the Orioles will win this particular contest tonight. Nothing about last night's game gives us any reason to believe that any of the recent offensive problems have been resolved. Jordan Zimmermann is likely not the sort of guy against whom the O's would be expected to improve their fortune, either. The guy has a 3.01 ERA over the past five seasons combined. Sure, that's mostly against inferior National League competition, but that's still impressively consistent.
Zimmermann doesn't walk many batters, which is fine since the Orioles don't walk anyway. Perhaps he'll be the sort of pitcher they inexplicably do well against, since he mostly throws strikes, and the Orioles like to swing whether or not a pitch is a strike. Well, we can dream, anyway. Zimmermann is returning from the paternity list to start in this game.
In the meantime, make sure to yell "O!" extra loud during the anthem, because they think that's like, WAY uncool, Dad.
|ALL-WALGREENS CORPORATE TEAM||BALTIMORE ORIOLES|
|Michael Taylor - CF||Manny Machado - 3B|
|Yunel Escobar - 3B||Jimmy Paredes - DH|
|Bryce Harper - RF||Adam Jones - CF|
|Clint Robinson - DH||Chris Davis - RF|
|Wilson Ramos - C||Chris Parmelee - 1B|
|Danny Espinosa - 2B||Travis Snider - LF|
|Tyler Moore - 1B||J.J. Hardy - SS|
|Ian Desmond - SS||Ryan Flaherty - 2B|
|Matt den Dekker - LF||Caleb Joseph - C|
|Jordan Zimmermann - RHP||Miguel Gonzalez - RHP|