When the RMS Titanic struck an iceberg in the North Atlantic in 1912, it took two hours and 40 minutes from then until the ship sank. There was a time where those on board did not know the ship's doom approached, but eventually it became clear the ship was going down. The 2015 Orioles struck an iceberg a while ago, and for a time we were those people in the movie who have gone about their business as though nothing was amiss.
The cold depths of the ocean grew ever closer on Sunday afternoon as the team turned in another lifeless game against the Rangers, which they ended up losing, 6-0. We can hide that pending consignment to the briny deep no longer. They were three-hit by Texas starter Derek Holland, who struck out eleven Orioles batters. There were no bright spots in this game.
A single sentence will suffice to encompass the horror that was this baseball game: Yankees relief pitchers drove in more runs today than did the Orioles hitters.
Were I to attempt to describe any further of the not-so-lovely totals from this game, neither you nor I would be happy. Thus, for the second time in the span of a week, I suggest you go do something else in the world that will make you happy. If you are truly determined to see more bad things, you can find the box score here. I am going to pick up where I left off in relating the plot of my favorite video game, Chrono Trigger.
In search of the legendary sword, Masamune
When last we left our heroes, they had just returned to the year 600 AD to stop the evil Magus from creating Lavos, who, over a thousand years later, will destroy the world. Magus can only be defeated by the wielder of the legendary sword, Masamune, which itself can only be wielded by the mighty Hero. Good news: The Hero has been found! Bad news: he's on the other side of a bridge blockaded by Magus' top general, Ozzie.
Alongside the Knights of Guardia, they storm the bridge, where at the end, Ozzie leaves them with a surprise - a monstrous skeleton formed from the bones of the fallen Knights. It's at great cost to the Knights, but the heroes defeat the monster and gain the southern bank, where they head to the Denadoro Mountains, in which is found the mystic Masamune. They also find the Hero, or at least a young boy who everyone says is the Hero... who flees from the monsters in the mountains, leaving behind the Hero's Badge.
They make the perilous ascent up the mountains. Reaching the top they find the guardians of the sword - Masa and Mune, whom they first must fight to see if the heroes are worthy. After proving themselves, they find the blade of the Masamune stuck in the stone. There is no hilt. Now, who do we know who might know something about this...?
In a forest south of the mountains they find a sullen Frog, from whom they hear the story of Cyrus, the last would-be Hero to claim the Masamune and attempt to confront Magus. With his faithful squire Glenn at his side, Cyrus tried to fight that powerful wizard and was struck down - and Magus, toying with the squire after slaying the master, blasted him with a spell that sent Glenn plummeting off of a cliff and into the water below. When Glenn awoke, he was in the form of a frog.
Glenn is Frog - and he is the Hero. The time has come to get revenge for his master. Frog/Glenn joins the heroes for good, but still they must forge the Masamune together, a skill that no one living possesses. Glenn has had the hilt all along - on which is inscribed the name "Melchior" - a name known to the heroes.
In search of the Dreamstone
It's back to 1000 AD, where Melchior lives. How does a man's sword get 400 years into the past? Ah, that's another story. Melchior informs the heroes that the only way he can reforge the sword is with Dreamstone, a rock that no longer exists in the world... but it used to, in prehistoric times. And who do we know who can travel through time? Yes!
The heroes return to the End of Time, where one last mysterious time portal awaits them, all the way back to 65,000,000 BC. They arrive here and are immediately attacked by dinosaurs, which they are able to fight off with the assistance of the ferocious warrior woman Ayla, who brings the heroes along to her village. As the chieftain of her tribe, she possesses the Dreamstone, which she will only surrender if Crono beats her in a drinking contest.
As you can imagine, everyone involved passes out and when the morning hangover arrives, the Dreamstone as well as the heroes' Gate Key that allows them to traverse time have both been stolen. Ayla and the heroes raid the nearby Reptite Lair where it turns out Ayla's jealous boyfriend Kino stole the items and Reptites then stole the stuff from HIM. At the end of the lair awaits Azala, Queen of the Reptites, who sics a large triceratops-like dinosaur on the heroes. Azala flees as they defeat the beast, leaving behind Dreamstone and Key.
Ayla thanks the heroes for their help and it's back to their own time, 1000 AD, where with this prehistoric stone, the mysterious Melchior can now put together the Masamune once again. Sword forged, it's back to the Middle Ages to bust their way into Magus' Castle. The Castle can only be reached by a passage that's been blocked off in a cliff. Glenn, taking up the blade that is his right, leaps and splits apart the rock. The way lays open.
Down into the passage the heroes go... where a bat follows them ominously. Someone is watching, and not attacking, yet. They emerge on the far side to a full moon, a swarm of bats, and they stare up and up at the castle of a very bad dude, whom they must stop before he can create Lavos...
The Orioles still suck
...but that's another story for another recap after another crappy Orioles game that leaves me with no motivation to discuss it. Hopefully it won't be coming along any time soon, but with the way they've played lately, it's only a matter of time.
By the way, these Orioles were 63-63 before losing four straight games. The 2002 Orioles were also once 63-63 before going 4-32 to close out the season. Those dark days O's lost ten straight games after reaching 63-63. We're not quite there yet.
Instead of venting about how the Orioles suck, tell us about something that has made you happy recently. Life is still good - just not the Orioles right now.