The Orioles fan’s rooting guide for NL playoff teams

The National League portion of the MLB playoffs starts tonight with the Wild Card game between the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Colorado Rockies. If you’re like me, you don’t feel as strongly about the National League teams as you do about the American League teams, but you’re still going to watch them so you might as well pick a team.

Wild Card Teams

Diamondbacks Pros: I’m personally a fan of seeing good players who have been around awhile get a chance at the playoffs, and Paul Goldschmidt fits the bill for me this season. He has been an outstanding player since he debuted in 2011 and while he does have postseason experience from his rookie year, that D-Backs team was eliminated in the division series. As an added bonus, Goldschmidt has the same birthday as my husband, also named Paul!

Additionally, if you’re a fan of former mediocre Orioles relievers, both David Hernandez and T.J. McFarland are members of their bullpen.

Diamondbacks Cons: I mean, does anyone really care about the Diamondbacks? As an AL fan from the east coast, an NL team from the west is about as uninteresting as it gets. And of course, they’re playing another team from the NL west tonight, so...exciting?

Rockies Pros: Admit it, it’s fun saying Rocktober. And we haven’t gotten to say Rocktober since 2009! It’s high time to bring it back. Also, a former Orioles favorite Mark Reynolds has had a career resurgence in Colorado, smacking 30 home runs as the team’s first baseman.

Rockies Cons: Ditto what I said about the Diamondbacks. They are also the team that employs a less loved Oriole, Gerardo Parra. Remember how awful that guy was for our team?

Division Winners

Before a September swoon when they went 12-17 with an 11-game losing streak, the Los Angeles Dodgers looked like they might break the all-time record for wins in a season. They still ended up with 104, the most in the majors. They will face the winner of the D-Backs/Rockies game.

The other two division winners, the Chicago Cubs and Washington Nationals, face off starting on Friday.

Dodgers Pros: Even with their troubles in September, the Dodgers are one of the best teams in recent memory. They are just crazy good, and there is always a part of me that wants the best team to win it all. Plus, Clayton Kershaw!

Dodgers Cons: The Dodgers are the west coast Yankees without the rings. Their payroll to start the season was over $240,000,000. That’s the most in baseball by a lot, $40 million more than the second-ranked Yankees. It’s absurd. They have no budget and can pay whoever they want whatever they want. Who wants to root for that? (They’re also good at drafts and trades and such, which makes them even more annoying)

Cubs Pros: The Cubs have some very fun young players like Kris Bryant and Anthony Rizzo, and while they aren’t nearly as good as last year, they’re still a good team. They are, to some, still a feel good story after winning the World Series last year.

Cubs Cons: They just won the World Series last year! As a rule, I don’t like the same team to win the World Series in back-to-back years. Also, did you go to any of the Orioles games this season when the Cubs were in town? Just overrun with Cubs fans. Do we really need that from ANOTHER team? I don’t think so.

The Cubs are also the team that employs one of the most miserable, least likable players in baseball. I’m talking, of course, about John Lackey. Lackey is one of the whiniest jerks in the majors. He throws his own teammates under the bus if they make any mistakes, he complains about players using steroids after they hit home runs off of him. This year he got thrown out of a game during a live play because he was yelling at the umpire for missing a strike call two batters ago. To top it all off, he filed for divorce from his wife while she was battling breast cancer.

I will be cold in my grave before I root for John Lackey (his teammate Jon Lester is also something of a pill).

Nationals Pros: The Nats are a good team with local ties. They have a starting pitching staff the Orioles would envy and...you know what? I just can’t. Please don’t root for the Nationals. The fact that they have never won a postseason series is hilarious and we should all want it to continue.

Nationals Cons: The Nationals want to steal the Orioles’ MASN money. A deal is a deal, Nationals! MLB hates the Orioles because of it and takes it out on them as often as they can. Is that a team you want to root for? And how about all of those former Orioles fans who ditched their original team to become Nationals fans? Do you want them to get the ultimate joy of a World Series victory before we, the loyal Orioles fans, do? I certainly do not.