I have come among you today to share the good news: The Orioles will not lose a game today. That's because they have today off, but still. What are we supposed to make of these dopes right now? Do you realize that we just had three straight quality starts fired off by Wade Miley, Ubaldo Jimenez, and Yovani Gallardo, against the Blue Jays offense, in Camden Yards and the Orioles lost two out of those three games? Like, seriously, what is that about?
The Orioles did not collect a single hit with runners in scoring position during that entire series, even the game where they won! They can't buy a clutch hit that's not a homer, and the homers are only seeming to happen when there is a runner on first base, or no runners on base at all. It's crazy. They're getting burned by the BABIP dragon left and right. Is this a string of weird, bad luck that will correct itself by season's end? Or is this streak the correction itself?
I have no answers, only questions. I also have last night's recap, written by Alex Conway, which you should check out if you haven't yet. Come to think of it, a lot happened yesterday, so if you didn't see it, you can read about it from us:
Orioles name D.J. Stewart and five other prospects to Arizona Fall League
Orioles acquire Michael Bourn from Diamondbacks for Jason Heinrich
How many wins will it take the Orioles to make it to the playoffs?
I'm interested in that last one again today, since they lost last night. If the 88 win magic number is for real, then the Orioles have to go 16-13 from here on out, with 14 games remaining at home and 15 games remaining on the road. It feels like a tall order as long as the offense and starting pitching can't manage to be good or at least decent at the same time.
Let's hope this isn't a wake me up when September ends kind of year.
Now for the links from elsewhere.
Around the blogO'sphere
Orioles claim Drew Stubbs from Rangers; Kyle Lobstein, we hardly knew ye - BaltimoreBaseball.com
Another of yesterday's moves saw the Orioles send a guy to the great DFA in the sky who they'd only acquired (for Zach Phillips) about two and half hours previously. Remember, Dan Duquette is the Honey Badger GM, and he don't care.
Duquette calls Stubbs "a good, solid, dependable defensive outfielder" - School of Roch
If Duquette does not refer to a player as either "dependable" or "qualified," something is seriously wrong. Stubbs gets this little bit of blessing. Why do they need Stubbs AND Michael Bourn? I don't have an answer for that question either.
Schmuck: Wondering where Orioles fans have gone for biggest home games of 2016 - Baltimore Sun
Peter Schmuck writes this column asking where Orioles fans are, but he has not even a single quote from any official with the Orioles who is responsible for their selling tickets. So is he really wondering that much?
Xu Guiyuan, Baltimore Orioles prospect from China, is itching to be MLB trailblazer (ESPN)
The deck is likely stacked against "Itchy" Xu in a lot of ways, but I will be rooting for him to beat the odds at every step of the way, because this would be such a great story.
Yovani Gallardo needs to be better to get Orioles closer to first | CSN Mid-Atlantic
To my great surprise, Gallardo was better - although I insulted him after he gave up three runs in the first inning, sorry! - and the Orioles STILL lost. Dang it.
Jonathan Schoop and Yovani Gallardo on the series loss to Toronto - Steve Melewski
Hear it from the dudes themselves. It sure wasn't their fault the Orioles lost last night.
Around the blogO'sphere
On this day in 2011, the Orioles sent waste of money and space Mike Gonzalez - known around these parts at that time as the Marlboro Man - to the Texas Rangers. This was a somewhat complicated transaction, but they received Pedro Strop, who I enjoyed for a while.
In 2005, the Orioles released Sidney Ponson. Do you remember the time he punched a judge?
There is only one former Oriole with a birthday today: Dean Stone, who pitched 17 games in relief for the 1963 Orioles. Mr. Stone turns 86 years old today.
Is today your birthday? Happy birthday! Your birthday buddies for today include the following: "Canon in D" composer Johann Pachelbel (1653), country musician Conway Twitty (1933), actress Lily Tomlin (1939), singer-songwriter Gloria Estefan (1957), and TV chef personality Padma Lakshmi (1970).
On this day in history...
In 717, a Byzantine navy defeated an 1,800-ship strong Umayyad Caliphate armada with the use of "Greek fire" - a substance that is said to have burned even on water. The science of making this was lost between then and now.
In 1715, Louis XIV of France died after reigning for 72 years. This remains the longest of any major European monarch. England's Queen Elizabeth II would have to make it another eight years to catch up to Louis.
In 1914, the last known passenger pigeon died in captivity in the Cincinnati Zoo. If you were about to make a Harambe joke, it's not funny.
In 1952, Ernest Hemingway's Pulitzer Prize winning novel The Old Man and The Sea was first published. I had to read that book in ninth grade. It is not a good book to make ninth graders read.
In 1974, the SR-71 Blackbird set a world record - which it still holds - for making a flight from New York to London in a recorded time of one hour, 54 minutes, and 56.4 seconds. That added up to a flight speed of 1,435.587 miles per hour.
And that's the way it is in Birdland on September 1 - or at least, unless something happens later. Have a safe Thursday. Go Orioles!